Verizon to buy Netflix

US telecommunications company Verizon have today shocked the world by announcing their intention to buy digital media company Netflix. The move comes after multiple, and protracted, legal wranglings that have seen the behemoth "internet distributors" or ISPs, be viewed generally as "assholes" (as they say on Twitter), and Netflix be described as "like teenagers".

Verizon have also put in bids for Apple, Microsoft, and Facebook - all well known major "suckers up" of internet bandwidth, but the details of the bids are so far unknown. One source suggested that the bids could be as much as $14.98 each, although it's unknown whether that is a per-share value, or the overall bid amount.

Netflix has so far refused to officially respond to Verizon's possible purchase of the company, but the initial reaction on Twitter by someone with Netflix in their handle @NetFlixRools, said:

"Verizon are... well, these dinosaurs have previously shown they don't know how the modern world works. This just proves it."

A man in the street that we stopped near the Verizon headquarters in New York, told us:

"It's a canny move. Verizon are constantly being pilloried to stop throttling Netflix' customers' internet access, but by buying Netflix they can ensure misery for thousands of people. Smart move. Smart people."

And the suggestion that Verizon are dinosaurs?

"Well, it's not something I've thought about. It's possible. We are talking literally here, right? Good. Yeah, it seems likely on second thoughts. Those big lumbering ones, not the cool raptor ones, or those that spit acid. The big rubbish ones that chew trees. Them."

Netflix and Verizon have famously been scrapping for the last few years, initially over accusations that the ISP has been purposefully slowing down the internet connections of Netflix customers, which is now something that both sides agree is the case. Verizon has demanded that since Netflix access is one of the largest drains of its overall bandwidth, and even though its own customers pay directly for that bandwidth, Netflix should, for some reason, pay it as well.

Verizon and Netflix stocks are unaffected by the news.