Paddy Power and Betfair merger unleashes the gambling might of Gamblor

The merger of UK and Irish gambling firms Betfair and Paddy Power has allegedly troubled the giant snoozing frame of Gamblor, the seven foot three icon of gambling. Gamblor, 47, has spent much of the past decade in deep slumber after being initially brought to life during a controversy that almost saw Blackpool become the "New Vegas" of gambling. Since then little has been heard of the monster, but news of this apparent new gaming collaboration has disturbed its snoozy time.

Gamblor's first forays into existence occurred in 1998 with New Labour's insistence that northern UK Stag/Hen town Blackpool could become a gambling mecca in the model of Las Vegas, and subsequently poured hundreds of thousands into marketing the idea (cash that went in already-rich people's pockets, rather than the town itself). When the quest eventually failed, Gamblor's influence retreated, as told by his close friend Ramblor:

"It was a sad time. He'd gone from being this mega-ripped strong as a gladiator's jockstrap kind of guy, to all of a sudden he couldn't handle a pint and suffered from massive hair loss. This Betfair news thing though - that's cheered him right up. Saw him do twelve press-ups today, and a girl nearly looked at him twice. Good lad."

Gambling firms Betfair and Paddy Power themselves have yet to respond to claims that Gamblor is a personification of an insidious world-wide scam to extract money from the poor and vulnerable. Our mate Jeff, however, tells us:

"That's poppycock. Both poppy and cock at the same time, which is usually how I like it, but not today."