Trump's success persuades Paris Hilton to run for Republican Presidential candidate

The inexplicable success of Donald Trump's juggernaut rampage in the current Presidential race has apparently prompted "beauty", "star", and "actor", Paris Hilton to announce her own candidacy. Although almost certainly too late to qualify for the race, Hilton's hat being thrown into the ring has already caused quite the commotion, with many sensing a highly entertaining future of televised chicanery and shenanigans. As someone who is famous almost exclusively for, somehow, being famous, Hilton seems perfect to ramp up the ratings and the heat in upcoming events and debates.

"Oh, it's perfect," claimed an anonymous source close to her. "She's absolutely the last person you'd vote for, which means that she's pretty much the first person the average voter would vote for-purely for the thrill and humor of it. I don't mean to be so cynical, but if you didn't laugh at things like this, I swear we'd all be nailing our own hands to the carpet."

Hilton, 34, is well known for her outspoken views on such issues as blood sports, abortion and her favorite Skittle flavor ("Grey" was her somewhat baffling answer given to a reporter in 1997). As such, some have immediately expressed excitement on the effervescent potential for clash between herself and Trump, as a much earlier soundbite from her suggests:

"I don't really think, I just walk." Paris Hilton

Whatever the future holds, we can certainly foresee a very bright future in broadcasting - not for her, but for anyone who has the joy to witness the spectacle that this absolutely promises to bring.

Megyn Kelly's menstrual cycle

The fall-out from Trump's own recent "dings", particularly with Fox News host Megyn Kelly, continues unabated. Although she has yet to personally counter-claim Trump's barely-concealed assertion that she was, in fact, having a visit from Aunt Irma at the time of the most recent debate, it hasn't prevented some media companies to investigate the claims. Several reports linked to quotations from ex-boyfriends and tuned-in female colleagues have furthered the furore over the incident, spreading further color on the accusation.

"Oh yes. Our cycles joined within days of her joining us at Fox", said one anonymous co-worker who joined Fox two weeks before Ms Kelly, and whose last name is Gyles. "The walls of my 56th precinct were certainly bleeding that night, so hers must have been like hell's most sulpherous waterfalls. She's a real bleeder - poor girl. "

Trump has consistently denied that he ever claimed Ms Kelly was menstruating, while at the same time vehemently defending his right to have done so. Which, thankfully, is not at all suggestive of guilt.