World Sci / Tech

Windows 10 debuts - 5 reasons not to upgrade immediately

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Windows 10 makes its debut today, rolling out across the country like so many cheese wheels down English country hillocks. But with the upgrade, has Microsoft gone too far? Will consumers be pleased with the latest iteration of its successful operating system? Or will people be stuck forever in the hell that is OS technical support lines? We here at Laughsend took the plunge many months ago and have been using the beta version of Windows 10 (Windows X to Mac users, probably) so that, potentially, you don't have to. Because you're worth it. Or something.

Every blog and newspaper is today launching its "best ever top 10 lists" lists in order to click-bait the world about the Redmond company's latest tech update, so we thought we'd do something different by providing you with... a top 5 list. Now, we're not saying this is original, but if we were a tech-troll we'd totally be slapping a "do not steal" sticker on it and rushing down to the nearest patent office. So here they are: 5 reasons you should not upgrade your current operating system, whether Windows 7 or 8 or 8.1, to version 10.

1. Reason number one: jet fuel can't melt steel beams. It may seem to you that this is somewhat incongruous, but it's no secret that 17 out of the 48 flight 11 passengers should have been Microsoft employees - but their flights were cancelled at the last minute by the head of HR Gurman Patterson, who was himself known to have Palestinian sympathies until he underwent a gender-reassignment operation in 2010, after which his entire personality changed. Some have speculated that the previous sentence in this paragraph is too long, and difficult to read, but our editor assures us that this is superstitious poppycock, and we laughed long and hard about that.

2. Reason number two: ten is an unlucky number in South East India. Microsoft were warned in 1992 that if they continued to upgrade their operating systems on a steadily increasing numerical basis, that they would soon create a lot of vexed and confused faces in SE India. Many took this as the reason for the jump to Windows 95 from Windows 3.1, but with this latest jump back to ten it appears that someone has forgotten those reasons.

3. Reason number three: 10 is a widely used emoticon that depicts a face with one elongated eye, and one that's been replaced with a crowbar.

4. Reason number four: Linux, the operating system for people who understand binary as well as those that don't, has launched several offshoot products over the years that are also called Windows 10. Derivations of Ubuntu, Opensuse and Fedora, have all been distributed under the moniker "Windows 10". Unsuspecting folk may accidentally download and install Linux instead of the Microsoft product, which may then lead to frantic phone calls to that one poor idiot in the family who "once replaced his graphics card and therefore knows everything about computers".

5. Reason number five: And this is the most important reason you should not upgrade to Microsoft Windows 10 today-10 is the highest number you can go to. If you think about it, that means you can't possibly get any more upgrades. Do you really want to be stuck with an operating system you can no longer upgrade from? As everyone knows, all scales only ever go up to 10, so you really need to make sure you feel confident upgrading when there is no further room for growth or improvement.

We hope you enjoyed our five reasons not to upgrade to Windows 10 today. We think they will be proven over the coming days and weeks as poor hapless souls do go about installing the potentially treacherous piece of software. Remember: if you like this article, like it, tweet it, or take a screenshot and put a rainbow flag on it to show your support.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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Given Time, by Paul London

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