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Barcelona 95% likely to beat Arsenal, claims psychic Wenger

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Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger yesterday predicted that Barcelona were 95% likely to go forward in the Champions League football soccer competition, after the catalonians beating his team 18-0. Wenger, who is well known for his body length gilets and pungent odour, is now being heralded as "the next Uri Geller".

Wenger began his psychic career in the first few years of a management history that is becoming increasingly stale. Early career claims that it would be raining during crucial encounters, or that the pitch would be in a poor state, were often met with incredulity from the press and fans alike. Slowly, as his predictions increasingly came to fruition, Wenger was nicknamed "Le Professeur", which is French for "Wearer of special hat that makes the brain prescient of future events". Some have, in just the past few weeks, pointed to several instances of perfect prognostication:

"He's an absolute genius," claimed Mark Nobel, author of In Wenger We Trust. "Once, when travelling to West Ham under Sam Allardyce, Arsene predicted that the home team would kick the living shit out of Arsenal's players. And you know what? He was bang on. What a guy."

Following Mr Wenger's prediction, betting shops have now closed all books on the return match, and up to 18% of Arsenal fans have already either thrown away their tickets, or are trying to sell them on Tottenham forum websites: "for the laugh".





The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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Comments

#1 @ 10 years ago
by bright - Ghost

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

4 comments, registered 12 years ago
#2 @ 10 years ago
by d-woodward-mooney777 - Ghost

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

5 comments, registered 10 years ago
#3 @ 10 years ago
by renaissance - Ghost

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

3 comments, registered 10 years ago
#4 @ 10 years ago
by Mittie_Reyes7 - Ghost

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31545">renaissance wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

FACEPALM. I REALLY STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I READ THINGS LIKE THIS. I AND MY FRIENDS ARE BOYCOTTING LAUGHSEND UNTIL THIS "WRITER" FUCKS OFF AND DIES.

3 comments, registered 10 years ago
#5 @ 10 years ago
by koupreystep7 - Ghost

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31553">Mittie_Reyes7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31545">renaissance wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

FACEPALM. I REALLY STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I READ THINGS LIKE THIS. I AND MY FRIENDS ARE BOYCOTTING LAUGHSEND UNTIL THIS "WRITER" FUCKS OFF AND DIES.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

4 comments, registered 11 years ago
#6 @ 10 years ago
by Error-Expert - Quiet veteran

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31657">koupreystep7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31553">Mittie_Reyes7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31545">renaissance wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

FACEPALM. I REALLY STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I READ THINGS LIKE THIS. I AND MY FRIENDS ARE BOYCOTTING LAUGHSEND UNTIL THIS "WRITER" FUCKS OFF AND DIES.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

I don't know. * shrugs *. :)

11 comments, registered 12 years ago
#7 @ 10 years ago
by front string - Quiet veteran

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31657">koupreystep7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31553">Mittie_Reyes7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31545">renaissance wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

FACEPALM. I REALLY STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I READ THINGS LIKE THIS. I AND MY FRIENDS ARE BOYCOTTING LAUGHSEND UNTIL THIS "WRITER" FUCKS OFF AND DIES.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

Whatevr you say, charlie. :)

36 comments, registered 12 years ago
#8 @ 10 years ago
by pat_walter - Ghost

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31725">front string wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31657">koupreystep7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31553">Mittie_Reyes7 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31545">renaissance wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31533">d-woodward-mooney777 wrote

arsenal-claims-psychic-wenger-21170.php#comment_31532">bright wrote

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment.

If I fall asleep at any time, you'll have to... solid.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF SUPERB ARTICLE'S AND COMMENTS ON THIS HERE INTERWEB, BUT THIS TAKES THE BISCUIT.

:)

FACEPALM. I REALLY STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I READ THINGS LIKE THIS. I AND MY FRIENDS ARE BOYCOTTING LAUGHSEND UNTIL THIS "WRITER" FUCKS OFF AND DIES.

sometimes i write things on the internet.

Whatevr you say, charlie. :)

I just don't get it.

3 comments, registered 10 years ago

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