Alpha male demoted to beta; angrily kicks shit out of judge; Alpha male status restored

In a topsy-turvy roller-coaster ride of a story, self-professed "Alpha Male" Gary Thodes, 38, and of Montgomery, Alabama, was earlier this week stripped of his alpha male title during a court sentencing by Judge Stroder. Thodes was in court for being caught in possession of counterfeit Pokemon trading cards. Although he initially denied the charges, Thodes nonetheless plead guilty, knowing that this was the alpha thing to do. However, during Judge Stroder's summing up of the sentence, he accused Thodes of being beta, stating that:

"The court has found you very wanting, Mr Thodes. You are not the 'Alpha Male' the tattoo on your forehead proclaims. You are not the 'Alpha Male' that one would assume from someone who has spent the past day with his genitals entirely on show. That you ate a steak during lunch that had been brought to you directly from the local butcher without going near a frying pan? That all means nothing when you take into account the fact that you printed and part laminated these replica Pokemon trading cards for your nephew. That you would stoop to the level of showing kindness to an eleven year old boy is just.... so... beta."

The judge, presumably having been egged on by readers of Reddit, ended his speech by standing up to show that he, also, had been displaying his genitals throughout the proceedings. At this point Thodes dived over the short gate separating him from the bench, and proceeded to "bang seven levels of shit" out of Judge Stroder's head, directly onto the bench in front of him. He passed out before bailiffs could subdue the defendant.

And so, it is now apparent that the Thodes is, indeed, alpha male. Pride restored.