World Health Business

Nocheerios breakfast cereal, made purposefully with no added sugar, bankrupts manufacturer

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Nestle's new sugar free breakfast cereal, Nocheerios, has been taken off the shelves today as business executives went cap in hand to shareholders following results that show the fast-breaking foodstuff almost destroyed the company.

The cereal, which itself cost millions in research and development, was launched with a marketing blitz that everyone will remember. Governments across the nation, and Social Justice campaigners alike, were happy to describe the breakthrough in repast as the best thing since sliced bread, if sliced bread could be somehow made carb-free. For years mums, dads, grandpas and sometimes even mother-in-laws have been demanding a breakfast cereal free from traces of sugar. Nestle delivered on a promise to create such a cereal with its "Nocheerios" box of goodness.

However, it tasted like crap, and destroyed consumer trust not only in the cereal, but in the whole Nestle brand. Shares in the company dropped 1600% overnight, and continued to drop by equally colossal percentages for a whole seven days, an even that has since been dubbed a "bad week".

"It seems that consumers think they know what they want, until you actually give it to them," said Dur Really, a spokesperson for people. "This was a terrible experiment, and people have voted with their wallets. Good for them."

In the meantime, other breakfast cereals with shit-tons of sugar are still very available everywhere. Especially the health varieties - they're stocked! Yummers.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.


#1 @ 8 years ago

hey - this is super. do not listen to the miserable people.

3 comments, registered 9 years ago
#2 @ 8 years ago
by earth-heat - Quiet veteran

I'm pissed off that people have to see idiocy like this.

23 comments, registered 10 years ago

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