Actor, comedian, and all round good guy Sacha Baron Cohen has today announced that his next film production will likely not include any balls-out, cock dangling, gross-out scenes. Cohen, famous for playing lead roles in films such as Borat, Bruno and The Dictator, has become associated with hilarious but hugely awkward scenes in his movies, culminating in the latest from his movie Grimsby, in which he is forced to orally extract poison from his brother's scrotum.
"It's a brave move," said John Hughes. "Sometimes you need something that differentiates you in the market place; a gimmick that people who see your films can look forward to. Personally, if I don't see a number of scenes that showcase Sacha's bare bottom, I can't be sure if it's one of his films."
In a poll taken by Laughsend's sister site, Cohen'sTestis.com, users were 76% more likely to go and see a Cohen film if it included shots of his rear or penis, while an astounding 98% said that jokes about vaginas were "basically the pinnacle of human comedy".
"The films are incredibly funny even without those scenes," one polled electorate said, "and are certainly very witty and well written. But taking out the gross-outs and making the oh-so-cool professional reviewers happy would mean castrating the soul of the pictures. Watching Mark Strong get covered with litre upon litre of semen in an elephant gang-bang scene is just icing on the great-film cake. I mean, you could have no doubt iced many cakes with it. You could have opened a dog-nammit store that sold cake icing that was actually male elephant ejaculate."
Cohen's announcement came on Twitter seven or eight minutes prior to claims that his account was hacked, but we're going to assume that the hack was a coincidence and probably came after the announcement.