UK News Sport

Manchester United finally land Louis Van Gaal

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British soccer club Manchester United have released the news that they have finally completed the signing of Louis Van Gaal. It's taken over 3 years for the London based club to reel in their man, but finally they persuaded the Norweigan ringmaster to join their hapless bunch of talented but underappreciated football playing team. Van Gaal, 47, is set to join Ryan Giggs in an ageing line-up of soccer-stars, and is ready to bolster an increasingly creaking midfield.

"We're delighted to have the likes of Van Gaal on the team," said Red's fan-magazine founder James Riddle. "We've been more Manchester Untied than Manchester United this year, so to have someone of his obvious qualities play week-in-week-out will be a joy. A delight. A real masterstroke from the manager."

Van Gaal joins the club from the Norweigan team FK Dum, and he is currently top-scorer in League Falske, a feat which is not lost on United fans.

"From what you've just told me it's amazing that a midfield player can be top scorer in a league. I've never heard of this Van Gaal bloke but he sounds pretty good. Yeah, actually, thinking about it some more: I've been watching him play since he was a nipper, and me and my Dad used to take trips across to Norway just to watch him play. See every game live on telly when we can - I'm a big, big fan. He's awesome. Messi? Ronaldo? Don't make me laugh."

Share prices in Manchester United are said to be unaffected at this time.

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