Chelsea FC to be sold as drug for narcolepsy

English Premier League football club Chelsea FC are said to be considering bottling their particular brand of recent football as a drug, to ensure long and trouble free sleeping.

Chelsea Scientists have been working on the formula for the drug, dubbed internally as "Mou #1", for a number of years - indeed, a hiatus of 6 years almost caused the project to be scrapped. However, the re-introduction of the Portugeuse manager Jose Mourinho has apparently rekindled interest in the sleep inducing drug.

"We have been developing this pill for many years now," announced Drok Mollok, the only guy who would talk to us about this."We originally called it the Bus Parker, but then we realised that was a terrible name. Mou #1 is a sassy, pink coloured pill, that is useful for anyone who wishes to sleep through anything - either through the night, if you're having troubles, or perhaps even during a business meeting. Even, if you wish, a football game. However, if Chelsea themselves are playing, then the drug is not necessary, I guess."

Shares in the football club have gone up upon leaking of the news.