Global Gyro sales skyrocket after Greece Syriza election win

The humble gyro, or kebab as some of the world knows it, went on a fantastical and figurative balloon ride today, as sales shot sky-high following Greece's announcement that anti-austerity party Syriza won the Greek election. Upon forming a coalition with other right-wing parties, the soon to be Greek government immediately announced plans to lower the prices of exporting hellenic foodstuffs, with Syriza spokesperson Alexis Spitzara telling the country:

"We are fed up of eating this warm, greased, filth. This is not the legacy our grandfathers and mothers would have left for us. We must spit on the euro fools who brought us into this mess and sell our wares elsewhere!"

The current worldwide cost of Greek produce is a result of the austerity measures put in place by the former Greek government, following fraught discussions with Eurozone chiefs, the most prominent among them German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who is known to despise gyro meat. By placing higher tariffs on the export of Greek food, the country's own prices lowered to the point where 74% of all food eaten by Greeks consisted of gyro meat and warm, wilted salad.

The current share price of one of the leading gyro manufacturers has increased 248% since the Syriza win, and is likely to continue rising until foreign stocks reach market saturation, which is estimated to take at least four weeks. It has, however, been suggested that at some point not long after saturation, death tolls from gorgers will cause a small dent in overall sales.