Joker "not happy" claims close friend

"The" Joker, scourge of Gotham City, and generally snappy dresser, is reported today as being "unhappy", according to close friend Bob Goon. Joker, real name Joseph Kuhr, 42, is currently on vacation in Florida Keys, but many have speculated that he is instead in rehab.

"He's not a happy guy," said Mr Goon in a joint interview between ABCD Action News and Laughsend. "I mean, sure, he likes to shoot people's faces off and laugh uproariously, but you can see behind the eyes - it's just not doing it for him any more."

The Joker has suffered a series of personal setbacks this year, including being bested by arch enemy Batman on no less than 84 separate occasions. Although triumphs have been few and far between, many have previously concluded that Batman gives The Joker a sense of purpose, and that the defeats suffered are in fact somewhat life-affirming.

"Oh sure, Batman is like the closest thing Joker has to a best friend. He hates him, but he totally loves him," Goon elaborated.

Quite what the truth is we'll have to see: no doubt The Joker has a number of schemes and plans up his sleeve - if he can get past the decks of cards he sneakily keeps shoved up there.