Brad Pitt, famous actor, and writer of the best selling "The Female-Gonad", has today been brutally attacked by a group of vicious ducklings. The small ducks, which scientists described as "babies", apparently lunged for the Fight Club actor's groinal region, before being hauled away by security.
The ducks, around 14 weeks old, are said to be being held by Hollywood's finest security forces, although webcam footage has been released of them being variously tickled under the chin. [Ed: do ducks have chins? Can we check on that please, Phil.]
"The ducks are in custody," said Marshall Marshall Marshall, "and are in a happy condition. They will be detained and later charged with offences including harming a precious commodity."
Pitt has so far declined to comment specifically on the incident, but is said to be outraged by the "nutter" ducklings, one of whom apparently caused mild bruising to one of his 'boys'.
This is the latest in a series of incidents involving Pitt, though many women are unsurprised by the apparent outbreak. One fan, Marlene Devotee, said:
"I've been saying for years that that man's groin is a magnet. Sometimes I feel like my lady parts must contain iron, or something. Which is partially true because I have a heavily pierced va-jay-jay that clanks when I walk."