World Health

Bless you cause of coughs colds

story image about Bless you... er... I mean. Damn!
Report story

Professors at Laughsborough University, Texas, have released figures showing that there is a direct causitive effect between those said to have contracted coughs and colds, and utterances of the phrase "bless you".

"Bless you!" is a term used by social do-gooders in order to ingratiate themselves with people unfortunate enough to have inadvertently sneezed in their vicinity. Requiring either a confirmative nod of the head, or a hastily snuffled "Thank you", there are many who already find the practice irritating. However, now studies have shown that not only is it a social irritant, but that it may actually be the cause of coughs and colds.

Dr Geoff Reynolds told us:

"At first we thought the correlation was simply that; however, on further study we found that it is causative."

Reynolds refers to a study in 1998 that showed a correlation between colds and "bless you", but many dismissed the findings as absurdly obvious, since colds and the phrase naturally do go together. Reynolds' team, however, further discovered concrete evidence.

"What we found was that because people are so keen to thank the blesser, they are quick to remove the handkerchief, tissue or hand that has stifled the germs, and in many cases lending the sneeze further momentum towards the blesser and others in the vicinity."

Further studies are required to fully confirm the findings, but the message is clear: stop saying "Bless You!" and keep yourself to yourself.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

Headlines like this

thumbnail for item

Virgin offer training

World Business 0

British company, Virgin, are said to be offering virgin training to their staff in, what sources have called, "a really weird move".

read more
10 years ago
thumbnail for item literal definition change

Casual paradigm

World Business 0

If, like most of us, you know someone who likes to casually throw words like 'paradigm' and 'proactive' into workaday conversation, you'll be pleased to know that officials have...

read more
11 years ago


This content hasn't made people froth at the mouth with comments yet. Why not be the first to add one?

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.

Capricorn horoscope

Spank yourself silly today because you're been VERY VERY bad. Exercise may seem like a dirty word, but until you lose......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

thumbnail for Celine Dion news story Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy thumbnail for Bush news story George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
Funny RSS feed