Picking your nose is a primal instinct

A group of eminent doctors have today released findings suggesting that one of the major causes of nose bleeds in under 18s is the "picking of the nose". Picking of the nose, or using its medical and scientific term rhinotillexomania, is said to be a vestigial hangover from when our ancestral "cavemen" would require a glue or paint substitute, either for hanging their caveman posters, or drawing crude pictures of bison. However, many youths continue to display this primal instinct even into their late teens. Dr Ross Brech explains:

"It's a silly think, nose picking. But we continue to do it because it is pleasurable, quick and easy, and has a rather nice minty aftertaste, assuming you, like I, brush your nostril hairs with your toothbrush. However, regardless of how you do it, or what you do with the result, it's not necessarily something that can be controlled. It is an evolutionary procedure, and no more controllable than masturbating to pictures of sealions, or watching television soap operas."

The findings go on to explain that 90% of nose bleeds in under 10s are caused by excessive nose picking, with boogers making up an estimated 42% of the average 8 year old's diet. The taste and consistency of the booger or snot, however, is something that many doctors are desperate to have more deeply investigated.

"Personally I want a Gordon Ramsay type figure to start looking into it," said 14 year old testee Ron Parker. "I mean, it's nice enough as it is, but can I use it in a salad? What about a fricassee? Is it as versatile as the potato? Youth needs to know."

If anyone was reading this article while eating their lunch or dinner, no apologies are made for any inconvenience to your digestion.