Scientists have today released the findings of a ten year study into the effects of excessive cake consumption on the human body. The data strongly suggests that eating an abudance of cakey baked goods, with various fruit, cream or iced fillings or toppings, can lead to obesity. Lead scientist on the study, Henry Keller, claimed "Who knew?"
"Who knew? I certainly didn't. Which is why I volunteered myself and my vast, vast team to conduct the experiment, at the expense of the tax payer. For ten solid years we've been stuffing ourselves silly with buns, doughnuts, cakes, pies - anything sweet we can lay our burgeoning hands on. And now we're all fat bastards. I repeat: who knew?"
While some have criticised the groups not only for the apparent excess in spending on such a fundamentally and blindingly obvious hypothesis, others have hit out at the health implications the team will now face. Prior to entering into this project, Keller and his team were said to be close to curing cancer.
"It's daft," said one critic. "They were doing so well with the cancer research and then they were interrupted by this project. Now they can move back onto the cancer thing, they're all so hideously overweight that they have terrible medical conditions preventing them from working. Our estimates show that 80% of them will die in the next few hours. Madness!"
The study, reportedly labelled "Gluttony, one of the seventy-seven deadly sins" is due for public consumption within the next week.