World Sci / Tech

Apple buy out Samsung

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Reaction to this week's confirmed sale of South Korean electronics company Samsung Electronics by competitor firm Apple has continued to make major storms today in the tech industry today. The announcement, made yesterday by Apple spokesperson Alan Chad Filigree, caused massive fluctuations in stock market prices for both firms, eventually settling out at 0.01% difference across the various monetary indexes. However, the storms have instead been caused by the reactions of respective customers, or "fanboys".

"I just can't flippin' believe it", said one British Samsung fan. "Apple are so shit. I mean, it's just crazy - Samsung are amazing and Apple are useless. Their phones are expensive toys bought by hipsters and babies."

The counter argument ran:

"I just can't believe it", said one American Apple fan. "Samsung are so shit. I mean, it's just crazy - Apple are amazing and Samsung are terrible. Their phones are just Apple knock-offs bought by idiots and the elderly."

Arguments have been raging across fan forums across the internet, including such bastions of knowledge as Mumsnet, and in the Amazon comments sections. The dust seems unlikely to settle in the near future, as competition commissions investigate the proposed Samsung sale to Apple, but tech news site TechArsenal claimed that the sale is doomed due to a fundamental software incompatibility in their AntiMicrosoft chips.

Both firms have very good AntiMicrosoft (AM) software in their operating systems, but a merger is only going to cause headaches when products and OSs are eventually fused. As we all know, the AM chips prevent Microsoft's activation of the doomsday device that has been built into all those born since August 1981 - when MS-DOS was implanted into everyone's DNA. Without these two firms maintaining their neutrality and competition, the AM software is at risk of failure. Mankind may then be doomed.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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