World Cup fixing allegations

A spokesperson for the Qatari footballing body 'Hotternhell' has today accused those of making this weekend's shocking World Cup fixing allegations as being 'paid stooges'. The counter-claim made is that the various media groups who are claiming foul play in awarding the 2022 football tournament to Qatar are themselves actually being paid to do so. Raheem Mohammed told us:

"We believe that the so-called English media, or Sour Grape specialists as the rest of the world knows them, have in fact been paid to fabricate evidence and facts to support the outrageous claim that we paid people to vote for us. It is scandalous that they would accuse us of doing exactly what they are themselves doing. They hope that by calling the vote into question it will be re-run and one of the more Anglophile countries will receive the World Cup."

The accusation has fallen on deaf ears by most in England, but we here at Laughsend are always happy to poke the fire with a pointy stick. We asked Mr Mohammed who exactly was paying the newspapers in question: the government? The Queen perhaps?

"No, no. It's not like that. You see, the English media play a game called 'click baiting' - essentially running a particularly scandalous story low on facts but high on titilation and outrage. By creating such furore they sell more papers, and are essentially therefore bribing themselves to run untrue stories by earning more money from them. That is the true scandal of 21st Century journalism."

While Mr Mohammed might have a point in general, many have pointed out that in this instance the journalism itself, while perhaps muck-raking as revenge for alleged slights, is actually entirely sound and FIFA will have to act upon the clear and present intelligence.