World Sport

Hairdressing to become sport in 2037 Olympic Games

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The International Olympic Committee (IOC) have today announced that hairdressing will once again be selected as an official sport, in time for the 2037 Olympic Games. The news has generally been warmly welcomed by the hairdressery community.

Though first appearing in the original Greek Olympics circa 776 BC, the sport soon fell into disrepute when judges awarded "nil points" to Aristocranes in the 699 BC games for a poorly judged buzz cut, with a dirty word roughly hewn into the side of his poor victim's head. In those days of course, the haircutting was performed on the corpses of overworked slaves. Hairdressing had a brief resurgence during the 1939 Olympic Games in Germany, when everybody performed the classic side-sweep parting cut in order to please Hitler.

The 2037 Olympic Games has yet to be awarded to a country, but staff at the local barbers "F**k off and dye", told us they were looking forward to the opportunity to compete:

"It would be a great honour to serve our country by performing," said Tiffany Flower, 24. "And I would like to see World Peace, and for each child to have a drug free education."

While Miss Flower was informed by our camera operator that the situation wasn't necessarily requiring the recitation of her much-practised Miss World speech, we asked someone who was waiting for their hair to be cut.

"It seems like a daft decision to me," said Mike Craft, owner of Craft Materials, a local porn shop. "But what do I know. I'm mad me! Heh-heh!"

The IOC are no strangers to controversial new additions to Olympic Games, including scrapping the classic 100m dash to one involving a canoe, and the inclusion of Ten Pin Bowling.

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