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Arsenal FC buy Welbeck

story image about arsenal and fans Did I leave the iron on? Or the cooker? Or my vibrator? Stanislav Vedmid
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Fans of Arsenal Football Club are today celebrating and rejoicing after their last-minute purchase of England striker Danny Welbeck. Welbeck, 23, is an accomplished English striker, with 26 caps for the national side, and 8 goals in that period - leading to a prolific scoring rate of 0.3 goals per game that has Arsenal fans salivating with joy at news of the purchase.

"It's a dream," said one Arsenal fan. "Of all the striking options that Manchester United have at their disposal, Welbeck would absolutely be top of the list of players I'd want. In fact - throughout most of the Premier League - Our Danny would be top of that list. I'm ecstatic. I've had genuine bladder and bowel problems since the news broke."

Arsenal, well known for "splashing the cash", have been sitting on a perpetual war-chest of funds for the past eight years, and have undoubtedly spent wisely during that period. For this season, it did appear that Wenger was preparing his team for "going in dry" in any attempt to win the league trophy without purchasing any decent players. However, that has been proven woefully inaccurate with this latest buy.

Wenger, under some pressure for the last decade or so, has now done enough, according to most fan forums, to avoid another backlash this season.

"We're comfortable that the big guy knows what he's doing. Last season we broke out trophy drought, and this year we're going to step on another gear. It's obvious, really."

Welbeck, full name Daniel Nii Tackie Mensah Welbeck, can look forward to an open armed reception at a club that has a long and distinguished history of welcoming ex-Manchester United players.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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"Danny Welbeck 20120611" by Stanislav Vedmid - Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.


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