Scientists and statisticians at Laughingstate University, Colorado, have today revealed findings of a three month study concerning the trending topic of #mondaymotivation stories appearing on Twitter. The 140 character long missives usually contain material promoting the user's planned activity for the day, be it going to the gym, finishing a piece of work, or championing a bowel movement. Statistics, however, show that 86.32% of Twitter users actually feel shamed when faced with such Tweets, thus rendering its intended cause moot.
"It's a sad thing, really," said Yakamoto Yakamoto, head scientist in the Statistology department of LU. "These folk are trying to encourage others to get up and moving with the day, but in actuality all they're doing is shaming and belittling. It reminds me of that scene in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels when Michael Caine is mocking the wheelchaired Steve Martin to get up and dance. We'd all love to be able to get up and dance, but sometimes hangovers - and I mean that figuratively, of course - prevent it."
When informed of the interesting twist of statistics, most Twitter users have thus far decided that it doesn't apply to them, and it has not curbed their use of the hashtag. Most #mondaymotivation Twitter users claim that their followers are more than happy to be bombarded with sentimental bullshit quotes written by the already successful. In a reach-out to Twitter user CapricornSalamander, we received the following response:
"When you read how Einstein got up every morning and put his shoes on the right feet, because he labelled them L and R - that's really motivating. When you read quotes clearly indicating that Mark Twain thought everyone was an idiot except for himself - well, I feel inspired. If you're not inspired by it, then I pity you. In fact, I pity anyone who doesn't wake up each morning at 4am, take seventeen pills that are definitely not worse than a placebo, do twenty miles of uphill hiking, and then produce a seven page list of all the things I have to do that day. This is the stuff of life. If you're not a human doing, you're not a human being."