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A phone conversation between Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova

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Long before she was suspended for using performance enhancing drugs, Maria Sharapova decided to give Serena Williams a call one night just a few weeks before the U.S. Open last year. This was how the conversation went.

SW: Hello, who is this?

MS: Its your greatest rival.

SW: You do not sound like Venus to me.

MS: I am not Venus you dummy. I am Maria.

SW: With all due respect Maria, a blonde who I have beaten countless times should be the last person on earth to call me dummy.

MS: Why do you always have to give people this attitude? Gosh. Enough already.

SW: So let me get this straight, you call my phone in the middle of the night, call me dummy when I can’t recognize your voice, as if I was even supposed to anyway, and then you have the audacity to tell me that I have an attitude?

MS: What does audacity mean?

SW: You are blonde. You wouldn’t understand if I tell you.

MS: Excuse me? Do you have something against blondes?

SW: Do you have something against me?

MS: Why would you think that I would have something against you?

SW: Well let me see, like I said before, I have beaten you countless times on the tennis court on all surfaces. I have more overall titles than you. Including Grand Slams and career prize money. I am ranked number one in the world and I am the current holder of all the Grand Slam titles.

MS: You think winning titles is everything in sports?

SW: Yes. That’s why I’ve been so successful for more than a decade.

MS: Well I have been fairly successful too. I have made millions of dollars in endorsements.

SW: Precisely. Just like your compatriot Anna.

MS: Who is Anna?

SW: Anna Kournikova. Another Russian blonde with an American accent who my sister Venus and I beat regularly when she played. She is retired now.

MS: I have never heard of her.

SW: Of course you wouldn’t. You are so full of yourself.

MS: I beg your pardon?

SW: Any woman who can name a candy line "Sugarpova" as a variation of her surname has to be full of herself.

MS: Don't think that it’s important that I look at other avenues of earning money? I cannot play tennis forever you know.

SW: And you think that as a professional athlete, selling candy to little children is the best way to earn money outside of tennis?

MS: Listen, it was just a suggestion by my agent and I thought that I’d go along with it. Is it my fault that the venture would have been a success? Besides, both you and I know that I also have the ability to win on the court. Can’t you remember how I beat you at Wimbledon in 2004?

SW: And how many times have I beaten you since then?

MS: Such statistics are irrelevant to me. In addition to which, I also won the US Open in 2006, the Australian Open in 2008 and the French Open in 2012 and 2014.

SW: The statistics of my beating you would obviously be irrelevant to you because it is too much losses for you to count. Besides, this year I am going for the calendar Grand Slam; having copped the first three Grand Slams of 2015 already. Do you think you can do that "Miss Sugarpova"?

MS: Look, I can see that this is going nowhere. I have had enough.

SW: Enough of what? This conversation or my beating you?

Maria, in a rage, slammed the phone down on Serena. Still angry, she thought to herself: ‘I’ve had it up to here with this girl. Her domination of women’s tennis has to stop. It’s time that I come up with a sinister plan just like another blonde in another sport did to her great rival some years ago.’ Soon after, Maria went online and sent a friend request to Tonya Harding on Facebook.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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10 years ago


#1 @ 8 years ago
by VanKey - One-off wonder

whatever. i am here all week. :)

1 comment, registered 10 years ago
#2 @ 8 years ago
by front string - Quiet veteran

VanKey wrote

whatever. i am here all week. :)

There is sum brilliant stuff on this here interweb, but this is totally amusing. :)

36 comments, registered 10 years ago
#3 @ 8 years ago
by fooddrawer62 - Ghost

front string wrote

VanKey wrote

whatever. i am here all week. :)

There is sum brilliant stuff on this here interweb, but this is totally amusing. :)


3 comments, registered 8 years ago
#4 @ 8 years ago
by metal_pig1984 - Ghost

* shrugs *. i don't really understand... and yet i do understand. :)

2 comments, registered 9 years ago
#5 @ 8 years ago
by toothwhistle7 - Ghost

metal_pig1984 wrote

* shrugs *. i don't really understand... and yet i do understand. :)

Are you fucking kidding me? Stop feeding the troll. I loathe this kind of nonsense, so just accept that I am right, bitches.

2 comments, registered 11 years ago
#6 @ 8 years ago
by Corkie Sherwood - Writer

Facepalm. :(.

4 comments, registered 9 years ago
#7 @ 8 years ago
by Fuck Nose - Writer

I have a feeling I'm not the rue audience for this.

5 comments, registered 9 years ago
#8 @ 8 years ago
by Thomas Hardy - One-off wonder

This is so ace. :)

1 comment, registered 9 years ago

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