World Sci / Tech

Hackers arrested after hacking new iPhone 6

story image about The 6th iPhone owned by this reporter
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Hackers have reportedly been discovered hacking into Apple's corporate network, and have possibly stolen plans for the new upcoming iPhone 6. The news has spread quickly across all social media, culminating in a press-release from Apple that denies the hacking, thus verifying that it did actually take place.

"There is no evidence that this particular hacking group Anonymosity even exists, and we asked one of the guys who wears white rimmed glasses whether he thought it likely there had been a network breach, and they chuckled into their well-coiffured beard for a straight 5 minutes. He even spilled a little of his half-caff half-fat soy latte grande with rose scented syrup. He then used the word copacetic, but apparently in an ironic way."

Speculation abounds over the details of the upcoming iPhone 6, and Anonymosity have released the following information that they apparently gathered during the Apple security breach:

  • It comes in a box.
  • The new iPhone will be available in White, Cream, Gold and Rustic Black.
  • It measures 5"x2"x0.25", making it the slimmest iPhone ever
  • It uses the brand new A8 chip with Escher inspired architecture, capable of performing 148 teraflops of processing in 1 picoyear.
  • There will be a Siri upgrade which prevents you from drunk-calling or texting your ex.
  • It will be waterproof.

Official announcements about the iPhone 6 are expected within the next few weeks, after which the integrity of Anonymosity will be verified.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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Given Time, by Paul London

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