World Sport

Dafne Schippers to take up Speed Skating

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Dutch Sprinter Dafne Schippers says that in order to further increase her chances of finally becoming an Olympic Champion she is taking up speed skating so that she can participate in the Pyeongchang 2018 Winter Games. Writing on her Facebook wall, the Rio 2016 silver medalist in the 200M said:

"I just want to let all my fans know that I will be taking up speed skating in the 500M and 100M events in order to increase my chances of finally becoming an Olympic Champion. That 200M loss in Rio last year really hurt my ego. In addition to which, I really can't stand it when people - especially Jamaicans who are pro-Elaine Thompson fans and African Americans troll my page and continuously accuse me of being a drug-cheat even though I have never tested positive for any performance-enhancing drugs. If I was Russian I would understand the criticism, but I am Dutch."

Schippers continued:

"It's funny, but you never hear or see a white person questioning the legitimacy of Simone Manuel's win in an Olympic Record time in the women's 100M freestyle in Rio last year. But ever since I won that 200M World Title in Beijing two years ago it's: "Dafne is a cheat. Dafne this, Dafne that. No white girl could run so fast unless she is doping. Dafne has acne so she must be taking PED's." Geez. Enough already. What I also find strange is that no one ever criticized Sally Pearson when she dominated the women's 100M hurdles a couple years ago. Isn't she white too?"

The Dutchwoman went on:

"But in spite of all the criticism, I am of the firm view that I can still continue to be a successful athlete. I spoke to my sprint coach Bart about my intentions to balance my sprinting career with my speed skating career and he was very supportive of my decision. In addition to which, speed skating is a sport that we Dutch people tend to excel in so I will have history on my side. So don't be surprised if you see me standing on the top podium in Pyeongchang next year with that elusive Olympic gold medal dangling around my neck. And the best thing about my competing in the Winter Olympics is that I won't have Elaine Thompson to worry about."





The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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Comments

#1 @ 7 years ago
by Toys Kangaroo333 - Ghost

i want someone to brand the mother's 3 with the word 'dickwad' as punishment for this. this idiocy suck's, and you know it.

2 comments, registered 8 years ago
#2 @ 7 years ago
by front string - Quiet veteran

Toys Kangaroo333 wrote

i want someone to brand the mother's 3 with the word 'dickwad' as punishment for this. this idiocy suck's, and you know it.

Seems doubtful. Edited: sorry, wrong post! :)

36 comments, registered 10 years ago
#3 @ 7 years ago
by RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE - Ghost

Toys Kangaroo333 wrote

i want someone to brand the mother's 3 with the word 'dickwad' as punishment for this. this idiocy suck's, and you know it.

off topic. if i fall asleep at any time, you'll have to...

3 comments, registered 10 years ago
#4 @ 7 years ago
by wolverinebreath7 - Ghost

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE wrote

Toys Kangaroo333 wrote

i want someone to brand the mother's 3 with the word 'dickwad' as punishment for this. this idiocy suck's, and you know it.

off topic. if i fall asleep at any time, you'll have to...

And your point is?

4 comments, registered 9 years ago
#5 @ 7 years ago
by Month Umbrella7 - Ghost

Toys Kangaroo333 wrote

i want someone to brand the mother's 3 with the word 'dickwad' as punishment for this. this idiocy suck's, and you know it.

The item about commenting when I feel like this... is that there's nothing very much to say. Whenever I think "I care", I alway's then wonder if I should see the gardener. But would I? Puns a-plenty.

6 comments, registered 9 years ago

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