'Disc lipped' Brazilians, blamed for WW2 ship losses

The navy has today issued a statement lambasting the Kayopo, lip-plated friends of Sting and saviours of the Amazon rainforest. The statement very strongly points the finger at the Kayopo for causing the sinking of wartime vessels, though the actual proof of their suggestion is limited to the one-sentence poster that has been issued.

"Loose lips sinks ships".

Aaaand... to be honest, that's the joke. Erm. Dave, can we put some filler in here so that readers won't get too annoyed? I mean, I could come up with a whole article based on this poor attempt to generate a wry smile, but not sure it's something you want me to be doing? On the other hand, we did interview General S. W. Thompson who told us to get bent. Shall we put that in? If you do want to use it, here it is:

General S. W. Thompson, head of the 13th fleet based out of New Jersey, was allegedly unavailable for comment when we attempted to get through the various navy press channels. However, some hard-headed reporting from Laughsend brought us this exclusive comment from General Thompson about the report:

"The hell?", he said, apparently irritated. "Listen, son, that poster campaign was run during World War Two, and frankly I think it shows very poor taste to make a joke at the expense of the Kayopo tribe, whose rituals are frankly none of our business, and whose plight essentially gave a marketing front for changes that have eventually caused the harm being done to the Amazon rainforest to slow dramatically. Sure, Sting's a bit of a twat, but that is no reason to judge these people unfairly. I know women who have goddamned iron bars through their vaginas. You tell me, is that savoury behaviour? I'm not sure. Now get bent."

General Thompson's press secretary later claimed that he didn't want to go on the record, but we chose not to understand what that meant. Cheers Dave! Best to the wife and kids.