World Business Sci / Tech

Facebook to merge Messenger, WhatsApp and Instagram. "It will be more useful for everyone," said Facebook. "Especially us."

story image about data and Especially
0 comment(s)
Report story

Facebook is pushing ahead with plans to merge Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp and Instagram. The apps will remain separate but the integration will allow personal data to be shared between them.

Facebook dilettante Narky screw-your-friends-over Fookerberg said: "We are fully committed to the safe storage and protection of personal data and we will definitely not give it away to anyone. Again. Honest. Er, or sell it. Really.

"When we merge these apps we will definitely not be collecting anyone's data. And if we did we would definitely not be sharing it with GCHQ, the FBI, CIA or Moscow. Or any data analytical companies. In Cambridge or anywhere else. Definitely not.

"And if we did - which we won't - it would only be little bitty data which you would never miss and which could definitely not be used for advertising, promotions or to influence any political elections. If we were to collect data. Which we're not.


"Cross my heart and hope to die."

Our Technology correspondent says the merger will also make it more difficult for the government or a watchdog body to break up the data-gathering apps as they will be too closely integrated. Facebook 1 : Personal data security 0.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

Get Weekly Funny Stuff in your Inbox

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter

Headlines like this

thumbnail for item Facebook meltdown

Facebook downtime causes worldwide tantrums; tsunami

World Sci / Tech 0

Popular social networking website Facebook has today caused a technological meltdown with repercussions quite literally felt across the world. The tech giant suffered an outage...

read more
8 years ago


This content hasn't made people froth at the mouth with comments yet. Why not be the first to add one?

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.

Given Time, by Paul London

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:

Gemini horoscope

Business clothes are not suitable for the swimming baths. Please take your extraordinary ideas about personal freedom......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Tourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report   Punny History  
Write for Laughsend - it's easy and fun!
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed