Nude ice skating idea - floored

Officials of the Ice Skating Association (ISA) have turned down ideas to make a nude version of the sport.

Tom Markinson, an ex-professional of the sport, approched the ISA in June of last year, but has recently been turned away.

"Well, it's the ISA's decision at the end of the day. I'm gutted, but, hey, we all get gutted sometimes."

Nude skating was refused simply because of the dangers involved. A spokesperson for the ISA, June Winters told us:

"We turned down the idea because it seemed a little too dangerous. Where it wasn't dangerous, it was certainly risquee."

"The blades on ice-skates are not especially sharp, but if you happened to be on the floor with parts of you spread-eagles - accidents almost certainly will happen."

"Also, there are problems with the sheer temperature - nobody would enjoy getting their bits and pieces frozen to the ice. And the solutions to unstuck them are either pull hard, or get out the steamer. Both of which seem dreadfully painful."

The idea is to go, then, in the same direction as Nude Formula 1 and topless water-polo.