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You only live three times, says renowned James Bond enemy

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In the world of spies and spy related shenanigans, there is no better known arch-enemy than Rnst Blomee. For decades, British spy James Bond, also known as 007, has been at loggerheads with Blomee, and today Mr Bond's large, balding uber-opponent has released a statement contradicting the spy's claim that spies only live twice.

"It's nonsense," said Blomee. "Everyone knows that you live three times - it's a scientific fact. Mr Bond is showing, once again, that he is ignorant of the very basic principles of the real world, and is instead living in a fantasy. I mean, the man must be 97 years old by now. What a stupid man."

Mr Bond's lawyers have yet to respond to the outrageous put-downs, but no doubt will. In the meantime, someone we emailed called Mr Bend, responded on his behalf.

"Oh sure, Blomee's got this one wrong. See - I know for a fact that someone can live six, seven, maybe even eight times. As far as I know there's no actual limit. Perhaps it depends on how bad the stabbing is, or how concentrated the suphuric acid. I know for sure that Bond has never survived a leap off a large building. Food for thought, I think you'll find."

Food, indeed. But for thought? I'll leave that to the real experts.

This is John Thomas, reporting.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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