You only live three times, says renowned James Bond enemy

In the world of spies and spy related shenanigans, there is no better known arch-enemy than Rnst Blomee. For decades, British spy James Bond, also known as 007, has been at loggerheads with Blomee, and today Mr Bond's large, balding uber-opponent has released a statement contradicting the spy's claim that spies only live twice.

"It's nonsense," said Blomee. "Everyone knows that you live three times - it's a scientific fact. Mr Bond is showing, once again, that he is ignorant of the very basic principles of the real world, and is instead living in a fantasy. I mean, the man must be 97 years old by now. What a stupid man."

Mr Bond's lawyers have yet to respond to the outrageous put-downs, but no doubt will. In the meantime, someone we emailed called Mr Bend, responded on his behalf.

"Oh sure, Blomee's got this one wrong. See - I know for a fact that someone can live six, seven, maybe even eight times. As far as I know there's no actual limit. Perhaps it depends on how bad the stabbing is, or how concentrated the suphuric acid. I know for sure that Bond has never survived a leap off a large building. Food for thought, I think you'll find."

Food, indeed. But for thought? I'll leave that to the real experts.

This is John Thomas, reporting.