06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 09:00AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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09:00 |
The Good Loaf
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Food / drink show |
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09:00AM to 10:00AM.
Bakery show presented by outlandish and outrageous naked ladyboy duo Mary and Wanda.
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10:00 |
Does this smell right to you?
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Food / drink show |
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10:00AM to 10:30AM.
Consumer friendly cooking show with Salvatore Woodard. From fridges to last night's leavings - no part of your culinary habits will go unmolested.
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10:30 |
On your bike
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Consumer affairs show, visiting workplaces where employees are fired on camera, then given a free bicycle for no good reason.
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11:00 |
Lawks a lordy
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Current / consumer affairs |
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11:00AM to 12:00PM.
Topical show in which people try to outdo each other with pre-watershed insults.
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12:00 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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12:30 |
I just want my money, that's all
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Auction show |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
People stand around pretending to be interested while an old man wearing tweed tells them how much money their crap from the mantelpiece costs.
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13:30 |
How the sun lost its shine
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Reality show |
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13:30PM to 14:30PM.
Reality show pitting eight contestants against each other in a tug of war using live animals. Each week a new animal.
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14:30 |
Sport on steroids
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Sport |
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14:30PM to 17:00PM.
Tune in to discover the new world of professional steroid fuelled sports.
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17:00 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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17:30 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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18:00 |
Flipped turned upside down
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Comedy Series |
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18:00PM to 18:30PM.
Fish out of water comedy. A young teen moves from swanky Hollywood suburb to West Philadelphia; shown up by spoiled "cool" cousin; witheringly destroyed by down to earth Uncle.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: The trouble with wearing shoes that are too small begins to change the overall effect of the creased, folded hairpieces Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. The luck of the draw.
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18:30 |
I turned pro, but I don't earn any money
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Talent show |
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18:30PM to 19:30PM.
Professional acts stumble their way through terrible performances only to be "ripped a new one".
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19:30 |
Annoyingly witty chums
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Comedy Series |
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19:30PM to 20:00PM.
Comedy series charting the intricate sex lives of five twenty-something, highly attractive, witty New Yorkers, who never have to struggle with any real life problems.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: No matter what recurs today, no one will adapt their behaviour. What won't the neighbours say?
Contains OCD about shoes.
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20:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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20:00PM to 20:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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20:30 |
Norma
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Genital health show |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Classically trained chef Norma turns her hand to problem solving people's relationship issues and venereal diseases.
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21:00 |
I'll get it right next time
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Hospital drama |
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21:00PM to 22:00PM.
Holy City hospital, downtown Illinois - you never quite know who's going to die, but everyone learns from their mistakes.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Edward might just regret being able to see through walls. Is this the same plotline we used last year?
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22:00 |
You got it stuck in there, you get it out
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Hospital drama |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
Medical drama starring Edna Bright and Charles Schaefer. 30 goddamn minutes of constant hell.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Kevin strikes out today, just as everyone predicted.
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22:30 |
Mary Russo
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Chat show |
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22:30PM to 00:00AM.
Chat show, only about half as interesting.
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00:00 |
Quizzical Nizzical
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Sci-Fi Film |
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00:00AM to 02:00AM.
Numbers are John Jackson's forte, but when aliens respond to his ham-radio homing signal, it's up to him to baffle them with science, and possibly Fermat's theorems.
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