05:30 |
Breakfast news
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News / political programme |
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05:30AM to 08:30AM.
We eat pieces of news for breakfast.
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08:30 |
Political boredom
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News / political programme |
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08:30AM to 10:30AM.
Politicians pretending they are funky by telling black people they are stupid and poor, gay people that they are immoral, and anyone who isn't rich that they are lazy.
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10:30 |
Get your balls out of my court
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Documentary |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Tennis instructor William Barker shows us how she trains in preparation for Wimbledon.
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11:00 |
Where's there's danger there's adventure
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Documentary |
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11:00AM to 12:00PM.
Wildlife series starring
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12:00 |
Lunchtime news
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM.
Because between breakfast and lunch, people will have died, and you need to know about it.
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12:30 |
Sunday Sports
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Sport |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Sports extravaganza, featuring past sports heroes who have run out of drug money.
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13:30 |
Lolsers
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Documentary |
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13:30PM to 15:30PM.
Documentary film mocking those who are starting to introduce online phrases into their everyday speech.
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15:30 |
Legs that tell the time
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Current / consumer affairs |
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15:30PM to 16:00PM.
A look into the fascinating world of health psychic Imogene Ritter.
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16:00 |
'Ten for that? You must be mad!'
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Auction show |
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16:00PM to 16:30PM.
People who don't understand the system of bartering get nailed trying to sell their own stuff.
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16:30 |
The Grape Pretender
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Food / drink show |
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16:30PM to 17:30PM.
A guide to wines and wine tasting, hosted by the world's greatest wine experts Josie Haney and Philip Krause.
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17:30 |
The clue is in the title
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Cartoon |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
Infinite mirrors game with Tom Kemp
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 7: Will Kenneth discover the truth about what happens when not polishing shoes with goat urine? Kenneth has the presence of mind to consider always being late; he can't seem to catch a break. Confess and be hanged. When someone is caught bottomless bathing, who knows what will happen next?
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18:00 |
Evening news
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News / political programme |
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18:00PM to 18:45PM.
Your working day is over - so see what misery befell other people.
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18:45 |
Local news
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News / political programme |
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18:45PM to 19:00PM.
For when you want to worry about the undoubtedly insular and inbred world around you.
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19:00 |
Sit the hell down
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Documentary |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM. Not available in your less worthy country
Parenting guide for foreign toddlers who are forced to look after younger siblings while their parents work in sweatshops.
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19:30 |
Things people find between their toes
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Hospital drama |
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19:30PM to 20:30PM.
Real-life hospital drama starring a number of people who lose their lives, a number of people who suffer embarrassing conditions, and a number of people who work at the hospital and clearly hate doing so.
Episode details:
Season 5, Ep. 4: Junior begins to think about the drawing left on the fridge, and threatens to bury everything in the sand. Will Junior discover the truth about what happens when not growing a beard? Realistic is an anagram of this show's name.
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20:30 |
I ain't
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Comedy Series |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Comedy improvisation show in which contestants must attempt to make the other laugh by creating sentences that never quite finish. Contains scenes of
Episode details:
Season 3, Ep. 2: The standard of everything falls from now on. What did happen last episode, anyway? A new arrival comes to visit. When someone is caught eating squirrel meat, who knows what will happen next?
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21:00 |
If it's in my pants drawer, am I forced to wear it?
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
Weekly comedy crime mystery in which at least three people per episode are forced to cross-dress because they go undercover and nobody of the correct gender is available for some reason.
Episode details:
Season 9, Ep. 7: Mindy knows Mary's little secret about playing the piano. Can the tension last while Mindy is still there? Is this what passes for entertainment these days?
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21:30 |
Night news
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News / political programme |
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21:30PM to 22:00PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Find out what dreadful things have happened in other countries so that you don't feel so bad.
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22:00 |
Hope springs
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Comedy Series |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
Pearl Benson is a 50-something former housewife whose kids have now left home. With a rapidly ageing husband likely to die within a few years, Pearl begins playing the field in order to find that "perfect guy or gal".
Episode details:
Season 5, Ep. 7: As you go through life, make this your goal, watch the doughnut and not the hole. Wearing someone else's clothing doesn't bother Hope as much as it did Fatima. Green is probably grateful for something. In the future, our robotic overlords will look back at this and weep? It's all down to luck from here on in.
Contains scenes of a sexual and/or gay nature.
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22:30 |
My car and where I parked it
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Documentary |
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22:30PM to 23:15PM.
Proud car owners followed around major cities, and filmed while they park their automobiles.
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23:15 |
A shard in the eye for old Larsen
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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23:15PM to 00:15AM.
Glass blower Alexandra Larsen is a mild-mannered Octogenarian by day... but by night she becomes a super-sleuth Octogenerian crime stopping investigator. Follow her new adventures every week as we try to somehow blend in the occupation of glass blowing into a crime.
Episode details:
Season 5, Ep. 4: Virginia threatens to chew on the bones of the dead. Will Virginia confess to Lisa about always being late? Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. As someone somehow discovers the smell coming from next door, cats chew on the bones of the dead. It really stands out, doesn't it?
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00:15 |
How do famous authors write such shit?
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Documentary |
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00:15AM to 01:00AM.
A documentary tracking famous authors and how they are able to get away with writing a lot of crap literature.
Contains scenes that may be disturbing to teenage wizards.
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01:00 |
Wet wipes: a tale of woe
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Documentary |
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01:00AM to 01:30AM.
Spare a thought for as he attempts to unblock drains from around the world in this fly-on-the-wall documentary series.
The first three rows may get wet. But not in the good way.
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01:30 |
Buzz
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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01:30AM to 02:30AM.
Crime drama about a man, Pete Faulkner, who hears a buzzing noise in his head whenever crime is about to happen. Co-stars his latest wife (which changes half way through each season).
Episode details:
Season 3, Ep. 2: As the saying goes: don't try to teach your grand-mother to suck eggs. Will bothering goats on a daily basis upset the literal applecart?
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