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06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 09:30AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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09:30 |
We analyse our cookery
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Food / drink show |
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09:30AM to 10:30AM.
Panel show discussing the latest television cookery programmes; analysis and stats.
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10:30 |
Cooking unusual meats from around the world
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Food / drink show |
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10:30AM to 11:00AM.
Cookery show showcasing the unusual meats of the world. Each episode welcomes a special star guest who will cook a mystery meat with host Larry Ballstein, before trailing around downtown New York to find willing triallists.
Contains scenes of butchery and finger sniffing.
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11:00 |
The Good Loaf
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Food / drink show |
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11:00AM to 12:00PM.
Bakery show presented by outlandish and outrageous naked ladyboy duo Mary and Wanda.
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12:00 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:00PM to 12:30PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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12:30 |
I literally died laughing
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Reality show |
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12:30PM to 13:30PM.
We take twenty normal people, and every time they misuse the word "literally", we make sure we literally ensure that thing happens to them. The winner is the first one who cottons onto what's happening.
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13:30 |
Robot cricket
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Sport |
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13:30PM to 16:30PM.
Seventeen week robot test matches brought to you by Rawcroft Beer - because when you're thirsty you might as well drink our fizzy urine.
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16:30 |
Kiss my egg
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Sport |
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16:30PM to 17:00PM.
Downhill cart racing, sponsored by Jazzsaw Electrics - the only power tool manufacturer to fit an MP3 player into the handle of every tool.
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17:00 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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17:30 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 18:00PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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18:00 |
Bad experiences
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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18:00PM to 19:00PM.
Horny detective Abel Frey takes his hapless sidekick on a number of terrible adventures.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Vicente ever discover what Armand Gopher did that weekend when caught milking the situation for all it's worth? He knows Vicente's little secret about growing a beard. The looking backwards episode continues to haunt Armand. There is no fool like an old fool. Will giving all for no real purpose upset the literal applecart?
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19:00 |
I shot the sheriff... but only because he was a zombie
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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19:00PM to 20:00PM.
Zombie serial, starring Charles Duffy as Franklin.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Richard knows Mary's little secret about thinking naughty thoughts. Has no-one thought of this before?
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20:00 |
Spiderotica
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Reality show |
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20:00PM to 21:00PM. Sorry, this programme is not available to record for really quite spurious reasons that nobody here can remember
An inside look at the new adult entertainment industry that is fast becoming one of the most lucrative online businesses.
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21:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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21:00PM to 21:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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21:30 |
Flaps hide secrets
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Sci-Fi Film |
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21:30PM to 00:30AM.
Science meets nature in this gripping thriller movie which combines numerology, biology and rampant sexuality.
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00:30 |
Blow me and I'll blow you away
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Action Film |
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00:30AM to 02:00AM.
Action thriller in which our hero impregnates women he's that minute just saved, before realising they are actually his enemy and dispatching them with corking one-liners.
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Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy
George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
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