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06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 08:30AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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08:30 |
Norma
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Genital health show |
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08:30AM to 09:00AM.
Classically trained chef Norma turns her hand to problem solving people's relationship issues and venereal diseases.
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09:00 |
You carry a pink umbrella and you're not gay?
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:00AM to 09:30AM.
Series outing those who are clearly gay but not aware of it.
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09:30 |
Astrology from uranus
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:30AM to 10:30AM.
Spoof magician presents this weekly show forecasting hilarious doom for everyone.
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10:30 |
Loose men
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:30AM to 11:30AM.
Backslapping sexist pigs attempt to masquerade their show as relevant by occasionally discussing cancer.
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11:30 |
Not the whole penny
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Current / consumer affairs |
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11:30AM to 12:30PM.
Business studies professor Mary Nixon investigates what happens to all those decimal parts of computed wage-slips that "get lost in the system somewhere". Interviews with the idiots behind Superman 3, and the geniuses behind Office Space.
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12:30 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:30PM to 13:00PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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13:00 |
And in the morning the rash should be gone
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Soap |
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13:00PM to 13:30PM.
It's always fun at the Doctors' - new drama series with Henry Key and Robert Key
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Carl confess to Jillian about being unable to locate things without use of the tongue? Everyone forgets what happened recently. Everything seems to change with someone wearing someone else's clothing; he notices the truth about Jillian. Will anyone discuss the long term peace treaty?
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13:30 |
The street where you live
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Soap |
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13:30PM to 14:00PM.
Truly award winning* soap based on a totally normal street near you.
*Not actually award winning
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Matthew Crosby wonders what it would be like to go around driving nude from the waist down. Nobody knows, and nobody cares. And that's the end of that.
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14:00 |
I just want my money, that's all
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Auction show |
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14:00PM to 15:00PM.
People stand around pretending to be interested while an old man wearing tweed tells them how much money their crap from the mantelpiece costs.
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15:00 |
Avery does crime & time
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:00PM to 16:00PM.
Denim jeans salesman Lisa Avery performs a misdeed and is jailed in this weekly drek.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Blaine has the presence of mind to consider worshipping false idols. Can Blaine face the truth about polishing shoes with goat urine? Will Blaine confess to Blaine about worshipping false idols? It's true - no-one cares about upsetting a droid.
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16:00 |
The investigator did it
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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16:00PM to 16:30PM.
Weekly escapades of naughty detective Guilt, attempting to solve crimes that he himself committed.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: George has flashbacks to wearing shoes that are too small. In the future, our robotic overlords will look back at this and pray? Does anyone follow plot lines?
Morally repugnant
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16:30 |
Hands-down pants-down
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Quiz show |
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16:30PM to 17:00PM.
Wacky quiz in which contestants must guess who is their partner by examining their genitals.
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17:00 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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17:30 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 19:00PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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19:00 |
All this used to be fields
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM.
Sexy young couples, old people, and nothing in between, all fight and flooze together in one amazing farming community.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Guy considers the moral rights and wrongs of driving nude from the waist down, and is warned that wearing someone else's clothing May not be the right answer. Can Guy face the truth about eating squirrel meat?
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19:30 |
People who live next door
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Soap |
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19:30PM to 20:00PM.
Australian soap. Four hundred people dwell in a single street, presumably leading to a great deal of webbed-feet and confusion about which cousin is which.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Mary might just regret polishing shoes with goat urine. No-one is sure Mary is even serious. Green is probably sorry for something. Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. What won't the neighbours think?
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20:00 |
Weekly MP bribe
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Current / consumer affairs |
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20:00PM to 20:30PM.
Examining the various bribes that have been given to MPs this week in order to maintain the status quo of rich people controlling everything.
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20:30 |
If it moves - kill it, screw it or give it up for adoption
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Soap |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Award winning soap in which the worst possible people are presented in a totally believable way.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Armpits like wookiees provide at least nine hundred and ninety five percent of the drama. Will Michaela Davies confess to Cecil about preparing for the dentist? Finishing with a question mark?
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21:00 |
I done killed the witch
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Documentary |
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21:00PM to 22:00PM. Available only for recording to VHS or Betamax.
The series borne from the 30 minute documentary that originally aired as "Oz, 2014 - it's not Kansas anymore. Come to think of it, it never was, it was Oz.". Get ready for L. Frank Baum's classic to get horribly murdered with a combination of poor grammar and bright scenery.
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22:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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22:30 |
Killing in the name of Hyman Key
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Historical / Period Drama Series |
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22:30PM to 23:30PM.
A different fanatic group each week attempts to out-do believers in Hyman Key. Who will prevail?
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: As someone somehow discovers the drawing left on the fridge, vegans marry the wrong person for the eighth time. Jesus "h" Christ is warned that being bad at spelling May not be the right answer. Can the tension last while Jesus is still there? He threatens to bury everything in the sand. Is this what passes for entertainment these days?
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23:30 |
You got it stuck in there, you get it out
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Hospital drama |
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23:30PM to 00:00AM.
Medical drama starring Edna Bright and Charles Schaefer. 30 goddamn minutes of constant hell.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Kevin discover the truth about what happens when not presenting neighbours with signed copies of their own photographs? Can the tension last while Kevin is still there? As the saying goes: as one door closes, another always opens. The luck of the draw.
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00:00 |
Aborted love
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Drama Film |
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00:00AM to 02:00AM.
A harrowing tale following a man who steals aborted foetuses from a hospital in order to care for them at home.
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