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06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 08:30AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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08:30 |
Norma
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Genital health show |
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08:30AM to 09:00AM.
Classically trained chef Norma turns her hand to problem solving people's relationship issues and venereal diseases.
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09:00 |
Lawks a lordy
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:00AM to 10:00AM.
Topical show in which people try to outdo each other with pre-watershed insults.
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10:00 |
Weekly MP bribe
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:00AM to 10:30AM.
Examining the various bribes that have been given to MPs this week in order to maintain the status quo of rich people controlling everything.
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10:30 |
Loose men
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:30AM to 11:30AM.
Backslapping sexist pigs attempt to masquerade their show as relevant by occasionally discussing cancer.
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11:30 |
Not the whole penny
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Current / consumer affairs |
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11:30AM to 12:30PM.
Business studies professor Mary Nixon investigates what happens to all those decimal parts of computed wage-slips that "get lost in the system somewhere". Interviews with the idiots behind Superman 3, and the geniuses behind Office Space.
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12:30 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:30PM to 13:00PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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13:00 |
And in the morning the rash should be gone
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Soap |
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13:00PM to 13:30PM.
It's always fun at the Doctors' - new drama series with Henry Key and Robert Key
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Carl Lutz discovers the truth about Jillian. Until next time.
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13:30 |
The street where you live
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Soap |
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13:30PM to 14:00PM.
Truly award winning* soap based on a totally normal street near you.
*Not actually award winning
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Matthew has flashbacks to worshipping false idols. What is swallowed once, is never attempted again. Will Kiara ever discover what Matthew did that eventful weekend? Finishing with a question mark?
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14:00 |
I just want my money, that's all
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Auction show |
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14:00PM to 15:00PM.
People stand around pretending to be interested while an old man wearing tweed tells them how much money their crap from the mantelpiece costs.
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15:00 |
The investigator did it
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:00PM to 15:30PM.
Weekly escapades of naughty detective Guilt, attempting to solve crimes that he himself committed.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Mary ever discover what George did that day? It could happen to anyone, so why not?
Morally repugnant
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15:30 |
Avery does crime & time
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:30PM to 16:30PM.
Denim jeans salesman Lisa Avery performs a misdeed and is jailed in this weekly drek.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Ten cows died in the making of this episode. It's all down to luck from here on in.
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16:30 |
Hands-down pants-down
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Quiz show |
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16:30PM to 17:00PM.
Wacky quiz in which contestants must guess who is their partner by examining their genitals.
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17:00 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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17:30 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 19:00PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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19:00 |
All this used to be fields
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM.
Sexy young couples, old people, and nothing in between, all fight and flooze together in one amazing farming community.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Guy discover the truth about what happens when not hoping for the best? It could happen to anyone, so why not?
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19:30 |
People who live next door
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Soap |
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19:30PM to 20:00PM.
Australian soap. Four hundred people dwell in a single street, presumably leading to a great deal of webbed-feet and confusion about which cousin is which.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Mary is left regretting being able to hear underwater. Voices will be raised; expectations lowered. Why has nobody thought of this before?
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20:00 |
You carry a pink umbrella and you're not gay?
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Current / consumer affairs |
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20:00PM to 20:30PM.
Series outing those who are clearly gay but not aware of it.
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20:30 |
If it moves - kill it, screw it or give it up for adoption
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Soap |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Award winning soap in which the worst possible people are presented in a totally believable way.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Someone something.
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21:00 |
It won't fit, it's too big!
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Comedy Film |
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21:00PM to 22:00PM.
Black short comedy about a man whose schlong is too large for his dwarf partner.
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22:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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22:30 |
Killing in the name of Hyman Key
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Historical / Period Drama Series |
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22:30PM to 23:30PM.
A different fanatic group each week attempts to out-do believers in Hyman Key. Who will prevail?
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: In the future, people will look back at this and weep? Will Martha ever discover what Jesus did that summer on the boat? Someone reveals all. This week: fonzie jumps the shark.
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23:30 |
Judge, Jury and Sexecutioner
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Genital health show |
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23:30PM to 00:30AM.
Porn stars choose whether, and how, to convict real-life felons.
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00:30 |
The rainbow is my lover
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Musical Film |
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00:30AM to 02:00AM.
Following the musical escapades of one Christian and his quest to cure himself of gay.
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