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06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 08:30AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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08:30 |
Norma
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Genital health show |
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08:30AM to 09:00AM.
Classically trained chef Norma turns her hand to problem solving people's relationship issues and venereal diseases.
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09:00 |
You carry a pink umbrella and you're not gay?
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:00AM to 09:30AM.
Series outing those who are clearly gay but not aware of it.
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09:30 |
Astrology from uranus
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:30AM to 10:30AM.
Spoof magician presents this weekly show forecasting hilarious doom for everyone.
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10:30 |
Loose men
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:30AM to 11:30AM.
Backslapping sexist pigs attempt to masquerade their show as relevant by occasionally discussing cancer.
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11:30 |
Not the whole penny
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Current / consumer affairs |
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11:30AM to 12:30PM.
Business studies professor Mary Nixon investigates what happens to all those decimal parts of computed wage-slips that "get lost in the system somewhere". Interviews with the idiots behind Superman 3, and the geniuses behind Office Space.
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12:30 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:30PM to 13:00PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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13:00 |
And in the morning the rash should be gone
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Soap |
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13:00PM to 13:30PM.
It's always fun at the Doctors' - new drama series with Henry Key and Robert Key
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Jillian ever discover what Carl did that day? As someone uncovers the smell coming from next door, bed sores break on through to the other side. Will anyone have to do this again?
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13:30 |
The street where you live
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Soap |
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13:30PM to 14:00PM.
Truly award winning* soap based on a totally normal street near you.
*Not actually award winning
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Matthew Crosby decides to go through with the operation, and might just regret growing a moustache. It's true - no-one cares about upsetting a droid.
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14:00 |
I just want my money, that's all
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Auction show |
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14:00PM to 15:00PM.
People stand around pretending to be interested while an old man wearing tweed tells them how much money their crap from the mantelpiece costs.
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15:00 |
Avery does crime & time
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:00PM to 16:00PM.
Denim jeans salesman Lisa Avery performs a misdeed and is jailed in this weekly drek.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Blaine is left regretting going for a long walk. As the proverb states: cheap is dear in the long run. The trouble with always being late begins to change the overall effect of the a weak cup of tea. How far the apple has fallen.
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16:00 |
The investigator did it
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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16:00PM to 16:30PM.
Weekly escapades of naughty detective Guilt, attempting to solve crimes that he himself committed.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Being able to hear underwater doesn't bother George as much as it did Mary. Can George face the truth about toasting bread on the radiators? Notices the truth about Mary. The standard of everything falls from now on. Has no-one thought of this before?
Morally repugnant
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16:30 |
Hands-down pants-down
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Quiz show |
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16:30PM to 17:00PM.
Wacky quiz in which contestants must guess who is their partner by examining their genitals.
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17:00 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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17:30 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 19:00PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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19:00 |
All this used to be fields
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM.
Sexy young couples, old people, and nothing in between, all fight and flooze together in one amazing farming community.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Does anyone follow plot lines? As someone finds out the truth about gender, farting zebras eat garlic to avoid sex. Everyone wonders what horrors will be next. Guy strikes out today, just as everyone predicted. What will the neighbours say?
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19:30 |
People who live next door
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Soap |
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19:30PM to 20:00PM.
Australian soap. Four hundred people dwell in a single street, presumably leading to a great deal of webbed-feet and confusion about which cousin is which.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Mary confess to Karin about not telling anyone their real name? Mary wonders what it would be like to not go around driving nude from the waist down. Is this the end of the beginning?
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20:00 |
Weekly MP bribe
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Current / consumer affairs |
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20:00PM to 20:30PM.
Examining the various bribes that have been given to MPs this week in order to maintain the status quo of rich people controlling everything.
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20:30 |
If it moves - kill it, screw it or give it up for adoption
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Soap |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Award winning soap in which the worst possible people are presented in a totally believable way.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Michaela will have to face the consequences of growing a moustache. As someone discovers the truth about gender, goats wish you a merry christmas. Is this the inevitable result of tickling the ivories?
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21:00 |
I done killed the witch
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Documentary |
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21:00PM to 22:00PM. Available only for recording to VHS or Betamax.
The series borne from the 30 minute documentary that originally aired as "Oz, 2014 - it's not Kansas anymore. Come to think of it, it never was, it was Oz.". Get ready for L. Frank Baum's classic to get horribly murdered with a combination of poor grammar and bright scenery.
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22:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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22:30 |
Killing in the name of Hyman Key
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Historical / Period Drama Series |
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22:30PM to 23:30PM.
A different fanatic group each week attempts to out-do believers in Hyman Key. Who will prevail?
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Nobody knows, and nobody cares. No matter what happens in this episode, no one will accept their flaws. What won't the neighbours think?
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23:30 |
You got it stuck in there, you get it out
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Hospital drama |
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23:30PM to 00:00AM.
Medical drama starring Edna Bright and Charles Schaefer. 30 goddamn minutes of constant hell.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. Whatever occurs within this show, no one will accept their weaknesses. Tea and biscuits provide at least six hundred and ninety nine percent of the drama. Is this the end of the beginning?
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00:00 |
Alien Scabbard
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Sci-Fi Film |
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00:00AM to 02:00AM.
Alternative reality sci-fi in which all earthly weapons are actually alien beings who control us in order to destroy us.
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