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06:00 |
Wake up losers
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News / political programme |
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06:00AM to 08:30AM.
Insulting breakfast show that tells the viewer to wake up and smell the coffee.
Jet fuel can't melt steal beams
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08:30 |
Norma
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Genital health show |
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08:30AM to 09:00AM.
Classically trained chef Norma turns her hand to problem solving people's relationship issues and venereal diseases.
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09:00 |
Lawks a lordy
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Current / consumer affairs |
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09:00AM to 10:00AM.
Topical show in which people try to outdo each other with pre-watershed insults.
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10:00 |
Weekly MP bribe
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:00AM to 10:30AM.
Examining the various bribes that have been given to MPs this week in order to maintain the status quo of rich people controlling everything.
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10:30 |
Loose men
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Current / consumer affairs |
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10:30AM to 11:30AM.
Backslapping sexist pigs attempt to masquerade their show as relevant by occasionally discussing cancer.
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11:30 |
Not the whole penny
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Current / consumer affairs |
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11:30AM to 12:30PM.
Business studies professor Mary Nixon investigates what happens to all those decimal parts of computed wage-slips that "get lost in the system somewhere". Interviews with the idiots behind Superman 3, and the geniuses behind Office Space.
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12:30 |
News in the Afternoon
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News / political programme |
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12:30PM to 13:00PM. Due to legal restrictions, you may only pause this program once
Straight talking news show that doesn't shy away from showing you beheading videos.
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13:00 |
And in the morning the rash should be gone
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Soap |
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13:00PM to 13:30PM.
It's always fun at the Doctors' - new drama series with Henry Key and Robert Key
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Will Jillian ever discover what Carl did that day, while spending time thinking about rockets? Jillian is startled to discover that Jillian knows everything. As the saying goes: life begins at forty.
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13:30 |
The street where you live
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Soap |
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13:30PM to 14:00PM.
Truly award winning* soap based on a totally normal street near you.
*Not actually award winning
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Matthew is left regretting toasting bread on the radiators. Does anyone follow plot lines? Regardless of what recurs within this show, no one will change anything for the future. When playing with people's emotions, sometimes you've got to really push the boat out.
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14:00 |
I just want my money, that's all
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Auction show |
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14:00PM to 15:00PM.
People stand around pretending to be interested while an old man wearing tweed tells them how much money their crap from the mantelpiece costs.
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15:00 |
The investigator did it
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:00PM to 15:30PM.
Weekly escapades of naughty detective Guilt, attempting to solve crimes that he himself committed.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Someone uncovers something. George Guilt is becoming jewish.
Morally repugnant
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15:30 |
Avery does crime & time
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Crime / Murder mystery Series |
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15:30PM to 16:30PM.
Denim jeans salesman Lisa Avery performs a misdeed and is jailed in this weekly drek.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Blaine knows Blaine's little secret about going for a long walk, and has flashbacks to sellotaping the letterbox shut each night before bed. Will Blaine discover the truth about what happens when not bottomless bathing? Some ideas are meant to be rejected; some make it this far.
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16:30 |
Hands-down pants-down
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Quiz show |
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16:30PM to 17:00PM.
Wacky quiz in which contestants must guess who is their partner by examining their genitals.
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17:00 |
News close to you
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News / political programme |
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17:00PM to 17:30PM.
A summary of all the regional drama that happened outisde the shopping centre near where you live.
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17:30 |
News in the Evening
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News / political programme |
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17:30PM to 19:00PM.
Hope you're back from your day job, because this is what we feed you when you're too tired to move or find the remote control.
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19:00 |
All this used to be fields
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Soap |
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19:00PM to 19:30PM.
Sexy young couples, old people, and nothing in between, all fight and flooze together in one amazing farming community.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Logic takes the high road in this action fraught drama. Possibly?
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19:30 |
People who live next door
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Soap |
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19:30PM to 20:00PM.
Australian soap. Four hundred people dwell in a single street, presumably leading to a great deal of webbed-feet and confusion about which cousin is which.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Mary is left regretting being in pyjamas all day long. Possibly?
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20:00 |
You carry a pink umbrella and you're not gay?
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Current / consumer affairs |
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20:00PM to 20:30PM.
Series outing those who are clearly gay but not aware of it.
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20:30 |
If it moves - kill it, screw it or give it up for adoption
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Soap |
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20:30PM to 21:00PM.
Award winning soap in which the worst possible people are presented in a totally believable way.
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: Can the tension last while Michaela Davies is still there? She is left regretting having an affair, and she learns today what the hell it means when they say every man has his price. What does this even mean?
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21:00 |
It won't fit, it's too big!
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Comedy Film |
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21:00PM to 22:00PM.
Black short comedy about a man whose schlong is too large for his dwarf partner.
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22:00 |
Surely it's too late for news?!
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News / political programme |
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22:00PM to 22:30PM.
It's never too late. Even though you've been following all the news throughout the day on your smartphone.
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22:30 |
Killing in the name of Hyman Key
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Historical / Period Drama Series |
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22:30PM to 23:30PM.
A different fanatic group each week attempts to out-do believers in Hyman Key. Who will prevail?
Episode details:
Season 1, Ep. 1: The eating squirrel meat episode continues to haunt Jesus "h" Christ. Will no-one act to save the situation?
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23:30 |
Judge, Jury and Sexecutioner
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Genital health show |
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23:30PM to 00:30AM.
Porn stars choose whether, and how, to convict real-life felons.
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00:30 |
I love your snozz
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Romance Film |
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00:30AM to 02:00AM.
Joan Odom has a rather large appendage in this romantic comedy.
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