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Cosmetic Companies Hail Return of 25-Year Moratorium on Animal Testing as "Beautifying Moment for Science"

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In an unprecedented announcement, major cosmetic companies are applauding a decision by a large governing body that has cleared the way for animal testing on beauty products to resume, after a 25-year moratorium. While many activists have denounced the decision and labeled it "barbaric," the general public seems to be split down the middle on the issue, with some saying that beauty should come at all costs and others outraged at the cruelty inflicted upon animals.

Unilever representative, Miss Primp N' Proper, stated that "At the end of the day, we want our products on store shelves yesterday, not tomorrow. People want flawless skin and they want it fast. Moral and ethical concerns are all very important, but sometimes you have to put your best face forward and make the hard decisions."

Critics have long argued that companies should find alternative methods of testing their products, such as computer models or tissue samples, but many insiders suggest that the glamour industry has ignored those calls in favor of new animals to experiment on.

Noted fashionista and opinion leader, Coco La Croix, expressed excitement about the renewed testing, saying "I won't be able to resist the enticing smell of that new eye shadow pronto! I just hope those furry creatures don't mind a bit of mascara in their eyes. After all, beauty is pain."

While fears remain about the welfare of the animals being used in the tests, industry experts emphasize that companies are doing everything they can to ensure the animals' rights are protected, by pampering them in the cosmetics and spas industry that has grown due to their profitability.

One animal rights activist, Melody Nophone, stated that "it's just heartbreaking to see such a lack of care for animals. There are so many other ways we can test products than by hurting innocent creatures. It's just sad." She finished with a doomsday prediction "If the testing continues, I fear that we will see an uprising of animal zombies, causing chaos in our streets."

Forever and always, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as it will continue to cause kerfuffles amongst those of us involved in the industry.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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