Allahu Akbar to become default greeting phrase in America, replacing the word 'hello'

America is set to become the first nation to implement changing the English greeting of "hello" to instead become "Allahu Akbar". The suggestion, which grammarians and scientists alike have been pushing for several hundred years, is finally getting the go-ahead, mostly thanks to the United States having its first Muslim President.

"This is a great day for our nation," said Barack Obama overnight. "When we see hello - what we really mean is to remind one another that God is greatest. We are going to change the world by removing the word hello from our dictionary and replacing it with the more appropriate Allahu Akbar. God is greatest. Peace out, suckers."

So far there have been very few attempts to criticise the move, showing bi-partisan support for the change is rife. Donald Trump, well known Republican, agreed that the move would engender a new era of world peace and understanding. With GOP and democrat support, the motion will likely carry in the near future, heralding an interesting few years to come.

The history of the word Hello is, it has recently been discovered, only around a century old. It was invented in the 1880s towards the end of the industrial mining period, in which miners would advise fellow pit-travellers that it was "hell" "below" - contracted to "hello". Conversely, the phrase Allahu Akbar appears in early Sumerian and Hittite texts and novels.

The only celebrity to so far denounce the change is Sir Paul McCartney - who, being English, has no right to say much about the issue. His stance, appearing in a tweet posted early this morning, appears to be motivated by self-interest.

Sir Paul McCartney "It's a bloody disgrace. Our song Hello-Goodbye is going to sounds ruddy awful now. Damn Yankees! #Allahu Akbar"