US News Politics

Pastor calls for removal of calendar

story image about calendar and news
Report story

The Pastor of an Evangelical church in Texas is calling for the removal of the current calendar that we now use and instead wants it replaced with the Jewish calendar. In his Sunday sermon, Pastor John Simmons of the Church of God's Children in Corpus Christi had this message for his congregation:

"My brothers and sisters in the faith, as your Pastor, God has given me the authority to seek your interest because it is a well-known fact that your soul and ultimately your very salvation depends on it."

Pastor Simmons continued:

"In case you are not aware, the current calendar that we use now to tell the date is not the real calendar which we should be using. Why, you may ask? The calendar was not sanctioned by God."

As the congregation gasped in shocked and bewilderment, he went on:

"Yes. I know that you are stunned by the news. It is actually a Pagan calendar which was initiated by a Catholic Pope named Gregory XIII in October 1582."

Simmons then verbally attacked the Catholic Church as he said:

"This is the type of influence that the Roman Church has over the world. They can change the calendar and we can do nothing about it. Why must we be under the control of such a Pagan Church? Just look at the names of the months of the year and research its origins. All the months from January to December were named after Roman gods and festivals."

Simmons didn't let up as he proceeded:

"If we are God's children and we live in a country that was founded on Christian principles, we must ensure that we maintain those Christian principles. That is why I am calling on President Donald J. Trump to use his influence as the most powerful man in the world and with the support of Congress, have this evil, pagan Roman calendar removed and replaced with the Jewish calendar. If the President does this I swear that he will forever win the favour of the Jewish people; especially his son-in-law and Senior Advisor Jared Kushner and by extension our greatest ally, the nation of Israel."

He concluded:

"But if President Trump fails to take my advice, I am telling you that America will be damned and the punishment of God will befall us."

As he quoted Genesis 12:3.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

Get Weekly Funny Stuff in your Inbox

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter


This content hasn't made people froth at the mouth with comments yet. Why not be the first to add one?

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.

Given Time, by Paul London

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:

Scorpio horoscope

Your lucky bus number for today is: 212 Although your faults are easy enough to see, you must really make an effort......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Tourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report   Punny History  
Write a funny story here
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed