Made up news made me feel made up, claims scouser

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A woman from Liverpool, UK, has today claimed that fake news websites like Laughsend help get her through difficult days. Valerie Dawkins, 42, has long since extolled the virtues of various "alternative" medicines and theories, including gem stones, tarot, horoscopes and anal beading. But today she has added spoof news to the long list of things that really help her smile.

"You know, when I read some stories about stuff that I know isn't true... well, I'll tell you, hand on my heart, I'm made up. I mean, I can get up in a morning, and I'm swearing cos I know even though I'm paying her £4.80 an hour, I'm going to have to wake the maid up. So while I'm waiting for my cup of tea, I'll put on my make up, just cos I like to do everything in life being at least a little made up. Then I go downstairs, and put on the telly and it'll depress me so much. I can't stand real life, it really gets on my tits.

"So I'll slap on a bit of the internet, and boom! There you go - check out the made up news, and I'm made up! I love it all: spoof, satire, parody - even jokes about scousers being scum and stealing stuff, it's all good."

Mrs Dawkins is not married to an ex-Premier League footballer, but if she was, I reckon she'd go for someone really clever. 

A Laughsend spokesperson was not available for comment, though to be honest I don't think we're missing much.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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Given Time, by Paul London

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