Sand currency plan scrapped 2 days before launch

The Bank of England today scrapped all plans to replace the current UK currency (GBP) with sand (SND). The scheme, first envisaged by the government four years ago, has so far cost taxpayers around 4 billion GBP. The significance of the cost itself, beyond being exorbitant even for a government-led scheme, reveals itself in translation, in that 4 billion GBP is equivalent to roughly 18 centillion SND.

"It's a mistake," said Mark Carney, current governor of the BoE. "For some reason we didn't think about the potential inflationary effect of the currency and in all test models we somehow omitted the notion that...well, er, sand is sort of, er, everywhere. Isn't it?"

However, beyond inflation, the public has strongly been opposed to the new currency for many years.

"It's a disgrace, not a mistake, Mr Carney!" opined one angry blogger. "If you ever thought those 5 pence pieces were fiddly, well you just try portioning out a few thousand grains of sand! It's dumb, it's foolish, and it's this government all over again."

The government, already somewhat red-faced by the cash-for-groins scandal earlier this month, are said to be "complacent" and "comfortable" with their position on the new currency, with one chief whip suggesting that the public were "morons who pretty much have no real say anyway".