British MPs have today been accused of being "soft" on Pfizer's proposed AstraZeneca takeover. During questioning, one MP asked one Pfizer representative whether he was "happy", to which the gentleman replied in the affirmative. Critics have suggested that the line of questioning should have been more stringent, and have queried whether the government was doing enough to scrutinise the proposed takeover.
"I'm not sure the questions really did much to answer our fears," claimed John Turnbull, head of Untie group, which represents people who wear shorts even in cold weather. "AstraZeneca is a huge corporation, and Pfizer is just as big. Merging them together could form some sort of chemical worm-hole, a sort of vent in the space-time continuum, from which no drugs will ever escape. It scares the willies out of me."
Pfizer, well known for its brand of erectile dystopia drugs, are currently being asked to justify the potential merger, with fears that a massive company with incredible market power might only become, somehow, more threatening. In a statement released with the original move to merge the two companies, Pfizer announced:
"With this merger we will be erecting a company with a strong base, and a firm future. It would be phallusy to suggest that what we're doing isn't hard, but with time, effort and a little coaxing, we're sure that what once started small will soon stand firm, and with guidance we will penetrate the last few inches of resistance."
Sorry. We're really, very sorry.