New Doctor Who episode leaked

The latest episode of Doctor Who has leaked online, despite desparate efforts from the BBC, and head writer Steven Moffat, to prevent it. The episode, set to air tomorrow at 7.50PM on BBC 1, has new doctor Peter Capaldi in the title role, with Jenna Coleman playing the part of Woofles, a 19th century wooden dog that can walk and talk for some reason.

This is the eighth series of the rebooted run of Doctor Who, and the first episode has the doctor arriving at a subtly altered version of the 19th century, in which Shakespeare has apparently never lived, and there is therefore no contemporary word for 'zany'.

We have been in touch with BBC lawyers who have asked us not to reproduce instructions of how to obtain a copy of the episode. We have, however, had chance to interview a close insider who was able to give us a run-down on the rest of the series.

"It's a smashing set of episodes that make this one up," said the Yorkshire-speaking insider, while wearing a t-shirt that said 'Doctor in the House' on one side, and an enigmatic image of a crowbar on the reverse. "We go from left to right field, we go up and down, sideways and back. It's a literal rollercoaster... no, a non-literal rollercoaster of a ride. Let's just say our new Doctor has a few new tricks up his sleeves that might just require a whole new Sonic-toolkit to store them in."

Tune in this weekend, folks. It's likely to be mad fun.