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Lottery winner gives full winnings to charity; immediately regrets decision

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Recent lottery, or Lottomax, winner Sylvia Horsestring has begun legal proceedings to reclaim the winnings that she gifted to a charity.

The winner of last November's Plucky Millions draw had gained much reknown and exposure following her almost immediate announcement to eschew the money and award her £4.2m cash prize Orangufan, a charity promoting the welfare of orange monkeys. However, recent events in her life have apparently forced a rethink of circumstances, and she has now begun proceedings to retrieve her erstwhile money.

"It's quite an unusual thing," claimed a spokeperson for one law firm we almost spoke to. "It's possible to claim some sort of mental aberration following the award of such a large sum, and I'd be surprised if that didn't comprise the bulk of her reclaim attempt."

Orangufan have launched a counter claim for the mental upheaval being caused to the monkeys around the world, many of whom have already picked out new furniture and 55" plasma TVs.

"It's a head-boink alright," said Gwen Chaffinch, CEO of Orangufan. "I don't care what damage she's done to her body in that dreadful accident. If she wants cyborg implants and hi-tech synthetic limbs, she can go swing."





The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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Comments

#1 @ 10 years ago
by Error-Expert - Quiet veteran

Whenever I think "I care", I always then wonder if I should see the optician. But would I? Puns a-plenty. I don't know what to say. But whatever - it would be witty, and clever, and ... no, you're right, it wouldn't be.

11 comments, registered 10 years ago
#2 @ 10 years ago
by corinne_mccarty-mclean - Quiet veteran

Error-Expert wrote

Whenever I think "I care", I always then wonder if I should see the optician. But would I? Puns a-plenty. I don't know what to say. But whatever - it would be witty, and clever, and ... no, you're right, it wouldn't be.

I wish people would just shut up and stop making this kind of comment.

11 comments, registered 11 years ago
#3 @ 10 years ago
by alice in chains 1760 - Quiet veteran

Error-Expert wrote

Whenever I think "I care", I always then wonder if I should see the optician. But would I? Puns a-plenty. I don't know what to say. But whatever - it would be witty, and clever, and ... no, you're right, it wouldn't be.

I thought it was funny.

)

14 comments, registered 10 years ago
#4 @ 10 years ago
by amelie - Quiet veteran

nothing will stop me reading more on this site, but this came close. this whole idea is stolen frm elsewhere.

19 comments, registered 10 years ago
#5 @ 10 years ago
by edge_turn111 - Quiet veteran

amelie wrote

nothing will stop me reading more on this site, but this came close. this whole idea is stolen frm elsewhere.

Super meh. Sometime's I write thing's on the internet.

19 comments, registered 10 years ago
#6 @ 10 years ago
by jailicicle7 - Ghost

edge_turn111 wrote

amelie wrote

nothing will stop me reading more on this site, but this came close. this whole idea is stolen frm elsewhere.

Super meh. Sometime's I write thing's on the internet.

I can't agree more with this.

:)

3 comments, registered 10 years ago
#7 @ 10 years ago
by edge_turn111 - Quiet veteran

jailicicle7 wrote

edge_turn111 wrote

amelie wrote

nothing will stop me reading more on this site, but this came close. this whole idea is stolen frm elsewhere.

Super meh. Sometime's I write thing's on the internet.

I can't agree more with this.

:)

This is the most niceest nonsense I've ever seen.

19 comments, registered 10 years ago
#8 @ 10 years ago
by rubio7 - Quiet veteran

jailicicle7 wrote

edge_turn111 wrote

amelie wrote

nothing will stop me reading more on this site, but this came close. this whole idea is stolen frm elsewhere.

Super meh. Sometime's I write thing's on the internet.

I can't agree more with this.

:)

Yeah, watever. Comments are like assholes... no, that's not accurate... :)

13 comments, registered 11 years ago
#9 @ 10 years ago
by Al-Sawyer777 - Ghost

Slow clap. When you tell me something interesting, I am tempted to tell you something equally interesting. My toes hurt when I stub them.

6 comments, registered 10 years ago
#10 @ 10 years ago
by d-shah1993 - Ghost

Know I have experienced a plethora of scarily god-awful things inside online articles about this, but this is the least sensical. Who really wrote this - someone with chunks missing from there head?

10 comments, registered 10 years ago
#11 @ 10 years ago
by corinne_mccarty-mclean - Quiet veteran

You know when you turn on the radio and there are song lyrics in your head... that's like this moment. Whatever you say, charlie. :)

11 comments, registered 11 years ago
#12 @ 10 years ago
by Kathryn_Robinson - Quiet veteran

off topic.

12 comments, registered 10 years ago

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