Smurf 'choked to death' in restaurant, unnoticed by other patrons

A smurf landed with ill-grace on Michigan County Coroner's slab this morning, after having choked the death the previous evening. The cause of death is as yet undetermined, but it is strongly suggested by those who saw the incident that he choked on food.

The smurf, as yet not officially named by officials, is said by friends to be Greg Croker, one of several of the Croker family who played roles on-screen during the cartoon series run in the 1980s. His death comes after a series of bizarre accidents that have beset the Croker family over the years, though many are perplexed by the apparent accident. Friend of the family, Gimme Winkles, said:

"It's very strange, and very sad. There he was, minding his own business eating pizza in a downtown restaurant. For whatever reason he takes a mouthful too many and *bam!* he's down and out."

Mr Winkles does, however, see a more sinister side to the incident.

"Well, let's not mince words here: this wouldn't have happened if he wasn't a smurf. That nobody bothered to try and help him is directly because of his color, and I think that's disgusting."

We interviewed one of the diners who saw the incident, and relayed Mr Winkles suggestion to her. Cathy Battes told us:

"What? Well, yes, I guess he's technically correct. The problem was that we thought he was doing a sort of skit and entertaining us. We were clapping away at the routine, it seemed very well practiced. But the real problem was - we didn't realise he was choking because he was already blue in the face."

The funeral is set for next Thursday, and all are welcome regardless of creed, color, race, nationality, pigment, skin condition, or hat choice.