World Health

7/10 Ebola victims ate meat warns vegan think tank

story image about ebola and health Meat is, quite literally, murder (with a sprig of basil)
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Vegan think tank Give Peas a Chance have today published research which claims to show that seven out of ten victims of the ebola virus were known to be ardent meat eaters. The claims, published in 70s-retro journal Science goes funky, have been met with strong criticism by The Communists and The Gay Punk Alliance.

The original research, carried out over the past six months, has been undertaken by Professor Hillary Spinks and Dr Thomas Trombone from their exploratory laboratory in Pennsylvania in the United States of America. Dr Trombone explains their procedure and findings:

"Basically we took all the available data that was coming from the infected, ran it through a series of complex algorithms that we seeded with the specific objective we wanted to be proven, and BINGO! the answer came from the data.

"Sixty-eight percent of those who contracted the disease and subsequently died, did so after years of ingesting meat. So we can say, quite clearly, that seven out of ten of Ebola victims will die purely because of their contracted infatuation with consuming the murdered carcasses of animals. At last, this is the evidence that absolutely no-one has been crying out for - proof that meat is murder."

Particular criticism of the research has come from unexpected quarters, namely The Communist party based in Poland, and The Gay Punk Alliance in the UK. Both have elected to angrily denounce the claims in two paragraph missives on their websites, with the Gay Punk Alliance going so far as to link their articles directly from their home page.

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