Scientists from Samsung's self-named ScioLab have today released findings showing that watching sport, either live or on television, is almost as healthy as actually playing. The allegedly peer-scrutinised results were published today as part of a Press Release distributed to all media outlets, and show that watching sport brings its viewers about 95% of the health benefits of its live participants. Samsung's lead scientist, Bob Trumble, told us more:
"The results speak for themselves: watching sport on a television, or your chosen mobile device, can bring you significant health gains. With every football pass, throw of the ball, or run down the wings, you are in fact mentally internalising the same efforts which translate into health gains.
"We studied a group of seven employees who absolutely demonstrated that our hypothesis bore exacting fruit."
Some have already suggested that the fruit borne from the study is likely to be some sort of rank smelling Durian. Trumble, however, assures us that their results have been scrutinised and replicated by other research labs.
"ScioLab does things properly, so when we sent our findings to our North Korean scientific neighbours they were happy to investigate. They showed that North Korean Supreme Leader Jim Jong-un himself gained significant muscle mass and last week won Mr Universe - all from watching sport on television."
The news was greeted with joy in many parts of the world, causing unprecedeneted breakouts of television watching, specifically during the 7pm to 11pm viewing slot. Further reports that sales of televisions and mobile phones have increased dramatically following the news outbreak have yet to be confirmed.
Samsung have previously made numerous claims about the "healthfulness" of watching television, or using mobile phones, including:
- Operating touch-screen mobile phones increases your dexterity, which is useful for sexual purposes.
- The heat generated on the ear when making a mobile phone call is actually God kissing you.
- Watching TV for more than 7 hours a day can increase your restfulness and ocular lifespan.
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Comments
STOP FEEDING THE TROLL.
Know I have experienced plenty of stupidly god-awful items on this here interweb but this is the most retarded. Curious, I took a shit last night and it looked pretty much like this.
of all the superb items in the world, this isn't one of them.
:-(
Good morning sunshine.
You make my groin fiery.
Now listen here you little dicks... edited: sorry, wrong post! :)
NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE. MEH. :)
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SCHADENFREUDE DO YOU? I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A RAMPAGING BULL.
Ive laughed, ive cried, I have lived... and I have died. But this still beats all those experiences. Loved it.
i guess. off topic.
There is sum wonderful articles that have made me cry, but this is absolutely funny. Well, I laughed. :)
I've just stroked my beard. I don't have a beard.