Djokovic demands equal rights for dolphins

Tennis ace, Novak Djokovic, has today hit the headlines by suggesting that professional tennis organisations should provide equal opportunities and rights for all mammals, singling out the dolphin for specific praise. The star, 34, has apparently been struggling with split personality disorder recently, having also recently suggested that split tier prize money was acceptable in the sport.

"I see the error of my ways," he exclusively told Laughsend (and 497 other companies who were present at the public press conference). "I now see that it is the inalienable right of every mammal to earn the same money in all places of business, sporting or otherwise, and I would particularly like to include in this my friend Greta, who is a dolphin at Sea Life Center in Rotterdam. She is a beautiful creature with a wicked backhand."

Djokovic, who has previously never courted controversy, is doing so at a time when his sporting acumen is still at the highest point. While some observers have noted that this level of attention seeking is often found among other celebrity pools, such as TV stars or Professional Clowns, tennis pros tend not to go in for such outlandish attention grabs.

"Djokovic is normally very sensible," said Laughsend's maternal grandmother. "And all this talk of being in love with a dolphin is very untoward. I don't like it. Give me snooker players like Marco Fu, anytime. Oh Fu, you do delight me so."

Tennis organisations have decided for the moment to rally round the cause Djokovic has highlighted, with several other high profile players, including Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams, agreeing in principle that mammals of all gender should receive equal plaudit, financial or otherwise.