All sports teachers around the globe have today been fired, or "sacked", for forcing their pupils to play rough forms of dodgeball. The MPAARSVP (the body which governs such things) has banned all use of the game, and has recommended the sacking of any teachers associated with having ever used it - which effectively means all of them.
Dodgeball, featured in the eponymous hit docu-drama starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller, has oft been used as the playground staple of gym and sports teachers for decades. Not quite sure what to do today? Dodgeball. Raining outside? Dodgeball. Day ends with the letter y? Dodgeball.
"I can't say I'm surprised," one pupil at St David's told us. "It's a pretty mean spirited sport, and I once grazed my leg when trying to dodge a really whizzer of a shot from Fat Armstrong... that's my teacher's name."
This is not the first time the MPAARSVP has caused controversy by its actions. Last year they attempted to ban all shirts vs. skins matches, and once even suggested that making teenagers run outside in bafflingly cold tempratures was, perhaps, a little wrong.