NFL and Premier League to form new super-league 2018

The American National Football League, NFL, and the UK's Premier League are set to join forces to create a new "super-league" by 2018. Reports from Moscow suggest the deal is already done, with Jamaica's finest human being Jack Warner supposedly brokering the deal. The conjunction of the sports is said to be the brain-child of several US and UK investors who were looking for a way to increase television earnings, while at the same time innovating absolutely nothing.

"It's a pretty sweet deal for them," said Ivan, who we bumped into in Moscow. "American football and British football - they are the same thing, right?"

The proposed merger is not the first of such moves in recent years, though it is more usually done in an attempt to "spice up" more than one failing sporting endeavour. In Canada in 2013, Curling and Moose Baiting came together to produce a new blood sport that is played using salad tongues and ball-peen hammers. In Germany, plans are already afoot to combine competitive leg slapping with the javelin. Our sports correspondent advised us:

"When you publish this story, make sure you don't say anything about that bloody German javelin/leg-slapping thing. It was a joke, OK? You boys and your pub sessions..."

Both the NFL and the Premier League have yet to comment on the story, but it is understood that head of the Premier League, Richard Scudamore, is on holiday at the moment in a three-person tent in Pwllheli.