Usain Bolt finishes last; blames burrito

"Fast man" Usain Bolt yesterday finished eighth and last in the final of the men's 200m World Champsionships. The shock result saw Bolt's hugely compelling grin wiped from his face, as rival Justin Gatlin took the gold amidst allegations of tying road runners to his feet. Bolt, however, took nothing away from his competitor, choosing instead to highlight the likely reason for his own failure.

"I was hungry in the night and instead of the usual midnight feast of 8 raw eggs and six chicken breasts, I decided to eat a nine-bean-burrito. It was a mistake. I mean, nine bean? At the most I could only name, like, four types of bean. I don't even believe there are nine. My stomach's been complaining ever since."

The 100m world champion did indeed look a little worse for wear, after spending the night suffering from what distance runner Mo Farah has previously described as "the only marathon you don't want to win - the burrito toilet stop". Gatlin, however, has come in for criticism for his own reaction to the event.

"I'm sick of the BBC and their biased coverage. I won the race and all they can talk about is the guy who came last. That's ridiculous. I don't care that I had road runners tied to my feet - I checked the rules and that's not forbidden. If they want to change the rules now they can - but this victory is still valid."

Gatlin often suffers criticism by means of comparisons in personality to Bolt. The American has also suffered from what some have called "being an ass".